My Complex Simplicity

time...

2010-07-06T15:27:00.005-05:00

"What very mysterious things days were. Sometimes they fly by, and other times they seem to last forever, yet they are all exactly twenty-four hours. " ~ Melanie Benjamin, Alice I Have Been, 2010 ~

Looking back on the past few years of life, this quote rings so true...so much time has passed since I have opened up my beloved blog to write. Truth be told, It seems like a lifetime ago. Since then, I have gotten married to my best friend, traveled the world (including a 3 week backpacking trip through Europe), finished writing my thesis, graduated from grad school, and have gone through countless ups and downs of life.

The last few years of life have been hectic, yet I feel myself stopping and making it a point to slow down a bit. Amongst the to-do lists, I find myself enjoying the small things in life more, like a beer on the deck with my hubby as the sun sets, singing off-beat in the car at the top of my lungs just because, and "forgetting" my cell at home as I aimlessly walk the dog until we are both good and tired.

On the flip side, as I type I feel a bit torn when it comes to time. Now that grad school is officially behind me and work has substantially slowed down for the season, I find myself with more free time than I know what to do with. In comes more books (this time for pleasure reading), countless knitting projects, and journaling...as I type I have 3 windows up, each rimming with possible ways to fill in the gaps. First up to bat: volunteering at a no-kill animal shelter, taking a photography class, enlisting in a yoga training program.

So I ask myself and the the world "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!!??" Up into recently, I would have headbutted and drop kicked someone to get just a taste of some of peace of mind and relaxation. Yet, here I am, receiving all the R&R that I so desperately wanted, and yet, I am on the prowl to just fill up my schedule all over again.

As I review this post, I realize I am blessed beyond my comprehension. I should be thrilled that with all the pain and the sorrow in the world, being bored or too busy to smell the roses is the biggest problem I have...and yet as I look as the blinking cursor in front of me, I feel empty.

no they didn't...

2009-08-21T09:10:00.004-05:00

OH YES, they did! Yesterday while perusing the television channels, I stopped channel surfing to stare in horror at the "Special Edition" Chia Obama head on TV. At first I thought it was a joke; like a MadTv spoof. But alas, they are selling this as a real product...to be diplayed proudly on your desk or at home...phhtt! The sad thing is that this product probably is flying off the shelves.

It's a sad, sad day in this country when our president has been dubbed a Chia Pet. A sad day indeed.

return from the dead

2009-02-07T08:39:00.009-06:00

It's been 8 months since I last wrote...and what an 8 month's its been.

~I've gotten a new job at a kick ass non-profit that trains and certifies teachers, preparing them to work at "high-needs" schools at CPS. I work hard, but I feel like I am really doing what I was meant to do with my life. The only drawback is that they block all the fun websites: facebook, youtube, flickr, anything blog related, etc. I am still going through withdrawals.

~ I am FINALLY this close -->[ ] to finishing my coursework for my masters degree. It's been 2.5 grueling years but I have just one more quarter to go. Now, I have to get to that thesis!

~I have gone from planning a destination wedding, to an outdoor wedding here in Chicago, to saying "F@ck it...let's elope to the keys and just do it!!" Big weddings complete with elaborate color schemes and the whole white dress thing just isn't for
me. Plus, I couldn't rationalize spending so much money on one day...I just couldn't. We are getting hitched on our 7 year anniversary at sunset on the beach...nice :)

~ After 5 long years, I finally moved out of the ghetto! Me & the honey bought a new house and finally moved in together this past November. It's been a long time coming and while our place does need a lil work, it has a huge backyard with a enormous deck ....I love it. Plus, I finally have grown up furniture...no more jacked up futons for me! Whoo hoo...the biggest disagreement we have had is over a painting. I wanted to get a huge Frida Kahlo painting to put over our couch and he didn't want the boobs to be the first thing people see when they come in..I say..who looks at this picture an thinks of boobs??!! Am I right??

~ Last but certainly not least, this past November, I was actually proud of this country for the first time in almost a decade...Our country has gone to shit, and I sincerely hope Barack can step up to the challenge and live up to his expectations.

The last year has been extremely hectic for me. I have constantly found myself with less and less time to do everything I had to do. Actually, this is the first weekend in recent memory where I am NOT running around with errands and a long ass to-do list which seemingly never-ends. In addition, its been one COLD and SNOWY winter here in Chicago. But I wake up today to 50 degree weather and a glass of tea, and I feel great and just high on life. There's nothing like being a lazy bum every once in a while. AHHH..that's the life!

Humboldt Park murals

2008-06-03T21:57:00.008-05:00

In my ethnographic research in Humboldt Park, I simply fell in love with the murals that lined the streets. Their dynamic color...their symbolic meaning..and their public displays of resistance and Puerto Rican power. These are just a few of my favorite.

blissful announcement

2008-06-03T21:51:00.001-05:00

I am now officially engaged to my best friend...

:}

only in chicago...

2008-04-11T14:03:00.006-05:00

will you experience the joys of all the 4 seasons in one day. Rain and spring-like in the morning, sunny and warm mid morning...windy and chilly in the afternoon..making room for sleet and snow by midnight...Tis' the winter that refused to go away!

I so need to go on a vacation...BLAH!

Picture from Flikr

two weeks notice

2008-04-09T20:43:00.001-05:00

I will not be put down
By you & your status quo
Not again
For, Like the sun
I will rise
Think again
Cuz there will be no demise
Of my soul...
Can't you see
Through conformity and obedience to you
I fail me
I am more than your depiction of a pale reflection
I got soul
I got heart
I got mind
Robustly beautiful and refined
All to which you were blind
I stand before you
Unafraid to be me
and I’m proud of what I’ve grown into
I’ve left a woman...
Strong to the core
A female who won’t take this shit anymore...

catchy song for Barack

2008-04-07T11:40:00.003-05:00

This morning on the way into the office I heard this catchy little tune from a Jamaican artist called "Cocoa Tea". The song serves as a unique endorsement for the Illinois Senator (did I mention it was catchy??!). I swear, the hook will be in my head for the rest of the day!!

Cocoa Tea - Barack Obama
Uploaded by jahsensie

it was a lovely day!

2008-04-06T22:17:00.022-05:00

This weekend was utter bliss: it was sunny, in the mid to upper 60's and perfect in every way. It's about time! Chicago's winter has been long and brutal and I felt deprived of all sun and warmth. I had to get out and enjoy being alive.

This afternoon - Mike, the mutt, and I walked through Humboldt Park as I snapped the below pictures. This is just a sample of over 75 pictures I took...each which has it's own story. They are a portion of my final research project in Urban Sociology, where we have to research a Chicago neighborhood's social/economic state and observe how residents use public space. Obviously, my neighborhood of interest is Humboldt Park, where I spent large chunks of my childhood. It was a beautiful 2 hours, where I got to meet many interesting people!

Remembrance of a dream

2008-04-04T14:50:00.008-05:00

Today is a very symbolic day for me, a day which holds bittersweet significance because of it's ties to two of my biggest heroes of all time. Today marks the 80th birthday of Maya Angelou, whose words and soliloquies mesmerized me as child. It is because of her writing that I began to pick up the pen to write over twenty years ago. And it is because of her eloquent yet harsh words, the flame inside my heart continues to burn to forever mark me as a poet.

Yet today also marks the 40th year anniversary of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, whose words were just as powerful to me and the nation at large. He preached and dreamt of change via peaceful processes and despite all odds, stood up for everything he believed in.

The fact that an African American man and a White woman are both serious contenders for the White House serves as proof of progress in this country. And even though there is still much to be done in terms of obtaining 'true' social justice for all and his dream has not fully been realized, I believe Dr. King would be proud of where we stand as a nation today. (apart from the war and Bush's stanky ass that is)

"Take the blinders from your vision,
take the padding from your ears,
and confess you've heard me crying,
and admit you've seen my tears.
Hear the tempo so compelling,
hear the blood throb through my veins.
Yes, my drums are beating nightly,
and the rhythms never change.
Equality, and I will be free.
Equality, and I will be free"

~ taken from Maya Angelou's poem titled "Equality"

the official I'm getting old post #2

2008-03-28T16:03:00.006-05:00

About 3 years ago when I first noticed grays coming in, I made a decision not to color my hair anymore. My mentality was that I had to enjoy the last few years of my natural hair color while I could, because when I turn gray, I could never go back. I had been dying it so long that I didn't even know what my natural color was anymore. As it was, I spent the last 15 years of my life coloring my hair all shades of brown, red, and blond to declare my individuality, personality and to match my mood. For example, I remember when Bush was inaugurated, I dyed my hair PITCH BLACK to mimic the sadness I felt inside.

Well, that 3 year hiatus might soon be over.

This morning on the way into work, I looked in the mirror on the back of my sun visor only to see..not one, not two...not even three..but like fifteen gray hairs smiling back at me. Now don't get it twisted, gray hairs are not a new thing to me. They were, once upon a time, only strays that popped out to bug me every few months. But now, as I am approaching 30, I'm beginning to see group formations of them infiltrating on all sides of my membrane, almost giving my hair the appearance of slight grayish streaks if you look at it in a certain angle.

How can this be? I'm not even 30 yet! As I hyperventilated and pulled them out one by one between red lights, I looked at the heap of retired grays which I built up on my one hour commute...and realized I shouldn't be fighting the inevitable. I'm no longer a spring chicken (hey don't judge me for piling them up in one little pathetic pile!)

I tried to rationalize: with age, comes wisdom, with wisdom comes acceptance of things you cannot change...and the onslaught of gray hairs definitely falls in that category. It's not all that bad, is it??!! Is it?!! I'm trying to hold out on coloring my hair to hide them. I want to embrace my age, my new found wisdom, all so much. But it's so tempting to just wash it all away in a burnt sienna dye!

But I will abstain as long as I can...gray can be sexy, right??

good friday confession...

2008-03-28T13:53:00.009-05:00

mmmmmm meat!
I'm officially a non practicing Catholic. Most of the time, I don't even really consider myself that, as I don't go to church and haven't prayed in years. This is because as I have grown older I have realized that in many ways the Catholic church & I just don't see eye to eye. Gay marriage, the non existence of women priests, no sex before marriage, and abortion are just a few of the few examples of this disconnect. Not that I don't believe in a higher power, but my version of God really doesn't fit the mold of most conventional religious faiths. However, to be honest, I was born and raised to believe in the Savior Jesus Christ, and I never really fought that association.

Being the non-practicing Catholic that I am, I don't partake in the usual lenten activities. I do not give up something of value (like chocolate or swearing) as a symbolic remembrance of the occasion. I don't go to mass on Ash Wednesday nor do I abstain for eating meat on Fridays. However, my mom adamantly insists on no meat on Good Friday, the holiest of all Fridays during lent. As usual in life, I give in to her wishes, mostly because I don't want to upset her and not eating meat for one day is a small price to pay for her happiness. Thus, this past Good Friday I did the same thing as usual. All day, I abstained from my beloved carne, eating the equivalent of twigs and veggies..only to be hungry a mere hour later. I don't get it, how do vegetarians ever feel full???!! It is horrible!! Horrible I tell you...

But I digress..my real confession is...at the tune of midnight, I dug into the leftover Beef Fried Rice and drank a few beers and life was good! Blah to no meat. Blah to a symbolic day which holds no value to me whatsoever!

WHEW! There...I feel much better gettin' this off my chest!

fate

2008-03-26T19:58:00.004-05:00

That's what i would call it...This email hit my inbox as I was reading this article

This Sunday from 8pm - 9pm.

All you have to do is turn off all electricity for one hour! NO TV, NO COMPUTER, NOTHING!!!

So grab some friends, candles, cards and some games for one hour and let Earth take a breather.

Check out the website and sign up today! Please repost this so everyone knows about it.

CLICK HERE FOR THE OFFICIAL EARTH HOUR WEBSITE

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Climate change is perhaps the most significant issue facing our planet today. We are beginning to witness dramatic impacts as a result of the amount of carbon we load into the atmosphere. To alter the current course of climate change we must act now.

That's why you are invited to join thousands of your Chicago friends, neighbors and businesses and millions of people around the world to make a bold statement about climate change on March 29 from 8 to 9 p.m local time.

Turn out your lights for one hour. Earth Hour.

As World Wildlife Fund's flagship city for the United States, Chicago, a leader in environmental initiatives, is encouraging its residents across the region to make the pledge to help fight global warming by voluntarily turning off their lights for 60 minutes. Signature skyscrapers, key landmarks, theater marquees and shops on the Magnificent Mile will voluntarily turn off their lights.

ComEd, the northern Illinois power utility, is a major sponsor of Earth Hour.

Earth Hour's not just about cutting back for one hour. It's about taking a stand and thinking ahead about what you, your neighbors and your city can do to slow climate change.

Seize the Earth Hour moment and change some of your outdated energy-wasting light bulbs to new, efficient and inexpensive compact fluorescents. Think of other ways you can cut your energy usage and trim your electric bill after Earth Hour has passed.

One person can make a difference. Cities, working together, can change the world.

One hour, Chicago. Earth Hour.

cabin fever

2008-03-24T20:21:00.004-05:00

All weekend I have nursing a sore throat, a nasty sinus headache, and a wrenching couch. Today, despite the fact I had a stack of projects in my inbox at work, I called in sick from work. And even though I know I wouldn't have been much use in the office, a part of me wished I went just to get out of the freakin' house! Other than running to to store for meds and walking the dog, I haven't really left the casa since Friday night. Well, it doesn't look like I missed much, as the weather in Chicago has been about 20 degrees below normal all week and they are calling for more snow within the next 48 hours (blah).

Given these circumstances, my mind and my body have been restless. Theres only so much daytime television that I can take! Thus, I starting playing around with the design of the old blog. WAA-LAA! While, I am not happy with the overall design of it, there are new elements which just made my day. Upgrading the template design allowed for some customization which I will be tweaking as my headache subsides. I once again added the tea cup wisdom quote, which I seemed to have lost during my last template upgrade. Also, I added the word cloud on the right, which shows my most used labels in order of use. With just a click of the word, it will take you straight to the appropriate posts. I found the code for the cloud on this site , so if you have blogger and are looking for a cool widget, here it is.

Anyway, peace n love to all.

it's high time for a pillow fight!

2008-03-19T15:40:00.004-05:00

from flicker

Hey, ya'll. I'm so excited! I just read that Saturday is International Pillow fight Day, and much to my amazement (and excitement), there are cities from all over the globe partaking in my favorite childhood past time.

I think I might just head up to the Art Institute downtown on Saturday afternoon to take a few pictures and perhaps get out a little stress with my old pillow. Who's with me??!

Luminosity

2008-03-18T14:20:00.005-05:00

That's a word, right ? Hee hee. In either case, today I am wearing a smile from ear to ear. I am officially on Spring Break for almost two weeks and am looking forward to being a couch bum and partaking in some pleasure reading, watching the Daily show, and consuming a few beers. :> Life is good.

Other things that put a smile on my face lately

~Pandora, a free, intuitive radio station that gets me through the work day every day. Search by favorite artist(s) and it plays music similar to your tastes. It's a great way to find new artists. I have about 10 stations and play the Quickmix to get a taste of it all!

~ Getting some much needed art therapy (click on the mouse to change the color!)

~ The smell of Springtime and the birth of new buddings on the trees on my block

~ Listening to Barack Obama's "A More Perfect Union" speech. I have to say this man moves me like no other politician has in the past. I believe today he proved he has true character by sticking to his guns and not disowning his pastor. He has passion, he has vision, he is insightful beyond measure. If you haven't read the transcript or listened to it, click here. Be warned though, it's nearly 40 minutes in length.

~ The fact that Taz, my beloved pooch, is 100% recovered from a terrible stomach virus. To see him with a wet nose, running around the house like a crazy ass, and back to his old hi-jinks again - fills me with the kind of joy only a "mother" can understand.

~Reading other peoples insightful and creative blogs, which has somehow sparked the urge for me to write once again.

Peace n love!

recession

2008-03-17T15:43:00.011-05:00

You can barely listen to the news or partake in water cooler conversation without hearing the word uttered. Gas prices are the equivalent of highway robbery, even milk and eggs cost exponentially more than they did a few months ago. Other tell tale signs is that the dollar is practically worthless and the price of GOLD is once again skyrocketing. I can't say that I am surprised, though. I saw this coming nearly 8 years ago when a bonehead was elected to be president. I'm serious, you can ask my ex. Though, I predicted it would only take 5 years to hit, you couldn't fool me.

Anyway, what's really disturbing to me is my observations driving around each day; the growing number of boarded up houses in Chicago...a direct result of the sub prime meltdown. Its just sad because each house symbolizes yet another family down on their luck, possibly homeless...who knows. I'm sure other cities like Sacramento, which are being hit harder by the foreclosure crisis, are even more depressing to see.

But, as I drive down these streets with abandoned & boarded up houses, I can't help but think about the social ramifications of it all. Debt has so long been ingrained in the American culture that like many others, I can't remember a time where I was truly debt free. I get paid so I can adequately pay another bill and attempt to stay afloat until next month, when I will do it all over again. It's like a rite of passage in the U.S. or something...and the finance companies, they greedily gobbled it up for as long as they could. Well, it appears now that our beloved country is paying tri-fold for that greedy mentality. The social ramifications have spilled over into every crevice of the economy and will not go away as easily as it was put there. In other words: we are in deep shit!

The next question remains: How do we fix this crisis? How do we prevent the eminent recession? Who will help us help ourselves get out of debt? Who will cut up our credit cards, consolidate our loans, and set realistic budgets for us to follow? Who??!! Because it appears we do not have the will power to do it for ourselves?!!

They say the government should lead by example, but yet our country is currently facing the largest deficit in history.

Despite all these DEPRESSING facts, I have hope...One thing is for certain: I AM READY FOR CHANGE. I am a woman on a mission to disillusion myself from the glory of "material" purchases. I have closed out a number of high APR cards, and am reducing costs like removing my HBO package from Comcast (which never has anything noteworthy on it anyway!) Little steps, I know..but maybe after some time it will really pay off. I just hope the future face of our country adheres to the same mentality. After all, the White house doesn't need that $3,000 toilet bowl cover, now does it??!!

hell has frozen over

2008-03-15T11:03:00.003-05:00

Yes, it's been a while and hell has frozen over because here I sit, cafe con leche in hand, writing again on my old faithful blog...something I thought I might never do again. I missed writing for pleasure and the form of self expression it used to be for me...but somewhere inside me still exists a spark hibernating...

It's not that I don't write anymore. It's quite the contrary. Officially a full time graduate student in Sociology, words fill my brain even in my dreams. I read an average of 1000 pages a week and write essays averaging 8 pages per week for school. There are no tests in my field..in essence my homework is my test. Not that I'm complaining...urban sociology just turns me on! My classes are insightful, my classmates are unique, intelligent, quirky people whom I've come to enjoy. As for me, I'm beginning to work on my thesis, which is tentatively called "Drop Outs in Chicago: A Look into the Role of School as an Influencer". I'm excited about using a relatively new grassroots method called photovoice, where I will ask dropouts enrolled in GED programs to take pictures of how they see the world. The goal is to try to finish both my classes and thesis by next spring (so excited)!!!!!

Approaching the big 3-0 , I've come to realize life is everchanging. Unlike when I was younger, I notice it happening more and more...you know, little changes...all of them small enough to fall under the radar solo, but taken together, they surmount into changing your persona right before your eyes. I'm trying to slow down and just savor these changes and be thankful that I had the opportunity to just experience all that life has to offer. The happiness, the pain, the indifference, each leaving a footprint on my soul...making me unique.

Before I have a chance to press delete on this post, like I've done countless of times within the last few months, I will sign off by saying peace n love to all...

feelings of gratitude

2007-11-20T15:28:00.000-06:00

Picture from flikr

Today I took a walk around campus during lunch and delighted in how the foggy it was outside - white clouds covered the lake and wrapped itself among the trees creating an air of mystery all around. There was something simply magical about it all...almost as if I was taking a walk in the clouds or walking in a dream state. I wish I had a camera to capture the essence of it because it was a perfect walk in every way. This Flikr picture doesn't quite capture it, but maybe with a little imagination, you might just get the gist.

Peace n love to you all. Have a Happy Thanksgiving holiday. (woot! woot! to only one more day of work this week!)

obama slacking?

2007-11-09T14:03:00.000-06:00

Now, I have been crazy about Barack Obama for years, but this recent article detailing how he has been slacking on his senator duties since he announced his presidential bid has me a bit peeved.

Apparently, during the last two and half months, Senator Obama has not voted on important issues bought to the Senate 80% of the time: missing voting more than any other presidential candidate currently in the senate. Now, I understand running a presidential campaign is both energy and time consuming beyond belief, however I feel there is no reason, short of a family emergency or physical impairment, adequate enough to miss out voting on Child Healthcare, the war in Iraq, and the escalating issues that have been coming up with Iran. He didn't vote on any of those important national issues, yet he made the time last week to appear on Saturday Night Live for some indulgent self-promotion.

Needless to say, I am sincerely disappointed in Barack. Here he is preaching about everything he would be doing to help the country as president of the United States, but yet currently isn't doing everything in his power as the Illinois Senator as it is. This is the man that is supposed to be representing me, a citizen of Chicago...and I feel cheated because he obviously feels he is too busy to participate in such proceedings. I sincerely don't know if these factors will deter me JUST YET for voting for him, but I will certainly keep this in mind when I hear him speaking about "should have, could have, would haves" in debates, interviews, and the like.

busy as a bee

2007-11-09T11:53:00.000-06:00

Again, I can't believe how time has flown right on by since my last post. Life has been hectic and much to my surprise, weeks have gone by feeling like mere minutes. Can it already be November ? OH MY!

Some of the things that yours truly has been up to:

Since my school books seem to be the only thing I have time to open, I have found myself enjoying books audibly on my ipod at rapid rates on my daily commute to and from work. The last have been:

Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl - I swear, people were staring at me like I was a crazy ass because I couldn't help but cry during the last chapter during my morning commute. Even though I knew what was coming, this story never fails to touch my heart and soul.
Cesar's Way: The Natural, Everyday Guide to Understanding and Correcting Common Dog Problems - After watching the Dog Whisperer on Cable I felt compelled to read this book and see what the guru had to say about helping my crazy ass Taz. Needless to say this book was a very informative guide to understanding my hyperactive, headstrong mutt. I'm still struggling to be his pack leader, but am trying. I have to add: on a side note, that I think Mr. Milan's Latino accent is very sexy so listening to this book was especially captivating. Hee hee.
The Secret - This was the most disappointing selection of the bunch. So disappointing in fact, that I didn't even finish it. Usually, I'm not really into self-help books, and this was no exception. However, I have heard a lot of hype on the book so I figured I would see what all the excitement was about. The central premise of the book was that positive thinking makes all the difference in getting the things in life. If you think you have something, and truly believe you do, lo and behold: the universe gives it to you. While I wholeheartedly agree that positive thinking is a powerful and necessary component to happiness, I just think its absurd and STUPID to "think" your way thin or rich. It just can't be done. IT takes hard work for many people and this book just ignores that fact. Instead of focusing on the books negatives, I will say that it did remind me that a little positive thinking can go a long way and to NEVER say NEVER...

Also keeping me busy of course, is school. I am happy to report that next week is my statistics final. And after I finish that horrid test and final lab, I will be class free until January of next year. Needless to say, after the final I will commence a lovely celebration laced with tequila and dancing with a few classmates. Hee hee.

In other fronts, my slipped disk is somewhat improving though sometimes I fear my back will never be the same. I definitely need to start focusing on working out again on a regular basis to ensure that my back and stomach is strengthened and stays that way. Hopefully, my workouts, coupled with this wonderful contraption, and a little more TLC from physical therapy and I will be 100% again.

During the course of the year, I have also fell more in love with knitting. Through time, TLC and lots of patience, as each project evolves, it somehow retains a piece of me with it and I truly do fall in love with each project I take on. When I do give out something I made with my hands, I do it with pride. I'm so addicted that I even started a knitting diary where I attach a swatch of my work to the pattern instructions and make a photocopy of a portion of the actual work. This way, I can always reference back something I have done in the past. Currently, I have 3 knitting projects I am working on. Two of them are x-mas gifts and one is FOR ME! I am currently working a grey Chevron scarf for my brother, a tan-ish brown checkerboard scarf for my sister-in-law, and a pair of fun lavender socks for me. After working on the baby blanket for so long, the scarfs are simply a cakewalk for me. I could be doing them in my sleep and should be done with them in no time.

I am also patiently waiting for the next 5 weeks to be over so I can indulge in 2.5 weeks of vacation. I am so looking forward to de-programming, sleeping in, and just enjoying life as much as possible. What a way to ring in the new year!

the official I'm getting old post

2007-10-26T15:22:00.000-05:00

It's official...I am getting old. After 2 months of back pain, I recently found out I have a herniated disk in my lumbar region (it was a hell of a birthday present to find this out, lemme tell you that!). For the past few weeks I have been going to physical therapy two times a week to try to mend my back issues but, alas, this dreaded pain doesn't cease. It doesn't help that my commute to and from work is a whopping 2 hours and that my job requires extensive amount of sitting behind a desk. I found that these are possibly the worst things I could be doing, as they exert even more pressure on my poor slipped disk. I sit here at work both mentally and physically exhausted...feeling something which seems to be a recurring theme in my life: I FEEL LIKE A VIEJITA.

Another reason I have been feeling old lately: a number of my little cousins - all which I helped diaper as babies- are starting to move out of their parent's houses, have their own children, get married, are starting careers, and going to college. They are no longer little people causing havoc and running around during family functions. Now they are just causing havoc in their own lives. It is clearly evident that everything's changed and my family - which was once was so tight - has fallen apart at the seams . Back in the days, our family get-togethers had well over 50 people in attendance...but, nowadays they run a measly 15 to 20 people deep. It seems everybody, especially all my "newly grown" cousins, are way too busy with their own problems to sort through, errands to run, or knee deep in "relationships" that are more important than hanging out with the fam. It wouldn't even be so bad if they were trying to do well in life. It's quite the opposite. A lot of them are starting to hang "out on the block", some are in destructive relationships with people who continually slam them through the sewer, and yet others are having babies when they themselves aren't grown. And it's so sad. I try to be supportive, and be there as much as I can for them. Yet, nothing I say or do seems to make any difference to them and while I know we each have to deal with the consequences to our own actions, I just wish I could somehow bring the feeling of family back. Somehow, I think that would make all the difference in the world. I can't help but think if our abuelitos were still around, things would be so different...

mind in the gutter...

2007-10-02T15:12:00.000-05:00

DID YOU KNOW?…SEX edition:

*** Sex is biochemically no different from eating large quantities of chocolate. *** For every 'normal' webpage, there are five porn pages. *** The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. *** Each day, there are over 120 million sexual intercourses taking place all over the world. *** Sex burns 360 calories per hour!

Wow...you got to feel sorry for those indonesians!

for those like me...

2007-09-25T15:40:00.001-05:00

You may be approaching middle age and yet still have no idea what you want to be when you grow up. You may have even read books like "What Color is Your Parachute" yet..hmmm...can't seem to conceptualize it.

(Enter light bulb )

Career Cruising
Username: bloomfield Password: bombers

Here's a website where you can answer a few questions about your likes and dislikes...then it populates a list of 40 occupations that match to you. From the 4 people whom I know did it, the list seems to match up pretty well to interests. Though, there were some crazy one-offs here and there. Like Look at my #8. When looking at my list I noticed occupations in the top 10 were mostly on point, appealing to my raw desire to change the world.

For those who are interested, here's the top 15 careers it pulled for me.

1. Child and Youth Worker

2. Career Counselor

3. Industrial-Organizational Psychologist

4. Management Consultant

5. Principal

6. Art / Music Therapist

7. Adoption Counselor

8. Funeral Director

9. Addictions Counselor

10. Association Manager

11. Health Care Administrator

12. Clergy

13. Psychologist

14. Economic Development Officer

15. Massage Therapist

A big thank you to Kerry for the link

fall's rollin on in...

2007-09-25T14:59:00.000-05:00

It's officially fall ya'll...and the weather is perfect. Not to hot. Not too cold with a nice breeze that just just makes me yearn for all my windows to be open. Living in the midwest truly makes you appreciate the distinct changes that each seasons brings. And right not I am loving the beautiful colors starting to erupt in the trees. Just witnessing their beauty seems to make my one hour commute to/from work a little more tolerable.

Just a few of the things making me smile lately:

~ Me & the boyfriend tearing down and installing new vinyl siding on the back side of my house this past weekend. It was a lot of hard work and I have tons of bruises and scrapes to show for it, but the outcome is so beautiful I want to cry! Slowly but surely, my money pit is becoming less of..well...a pit!

~ My family from California coming to Chicago on a surprise visit for my father's birthday tomorrow. I have to ask my abuelita how she liked the hat I knitted her.

~ Getting a call from an old college friend that I haven't talked to in at least four years out of the blue!

~ Drinking cup upon cup of Octavia's Organic Wild Blueberry White Tea. Oh my...it's just too good to drink with a frown!

~ Watching the new HEROS episode yesterday in HD. Every Monday night with be the official Heros night at my house.

~ Doing my statistics homework and actually conceptualizing what the hell I am doing.

~ Doing said homework in less than 2 hours!

~ Getting a well deserved raise right before my 29th birthday!

What's making you smile ?!!

back to life...

2007-09-14T14:18:00.000-05:00

Yet another huge chunk of of time has passed since my last post. Alas, I have been busy trying to find myself and enjoying the last bits of summer as much as possible. Well, that, and the fact that I have been suffering from a supreme case of writers block. However, after browsing the archives of my beloved blog, an old and familiar spark emerged from within. Suddenly, I wanted to write. Reading so many things I wrote about and thought aloud about in years' past suddenly reminded me of the comfort of just letting it all out.

Part of me stayed away so long because I felt my live has become trivial...methodic...boring. AND, I refuse to be yet another blogger which writes about what she ate, what she watched on tv, and how life sucks. Despite bouts of depression and poverty over the last few months, life has been good. I have travelled a few times, been working out regularly, and slowly getting out of debt. However, just like my ever-shrinking audience, my world has wilted to the size of a pea. Confession: I have turned into a hermit. I don't know if it has been work, my relationship, my friends (or shall I say lack of friends that actually are there in thick and thin), or even my own self esteem holding me back, but truth is: I have enclosed myself from the world lately and have been scared to step back in. I felt gray inside. This, I decided this morning as I looked into the mirror, has got to change. I am too young to feel like I am dead inside.

So, I decided to chop all my hair off. It's kinda a symbolic new beginning of sorts. Out with the old, in with the new...loosing all past baggage..ya know what I mean. Actually, if I had the balls to shave it completely, I would. HAH! My boyfriend's going to freak! It's so dramatic of a change, the mutt might not even recognize me when I walk in the front door!

Talking about the boyfriend and the mutt, I FURTHER promise myself not to stay in the confines of my house knitting the night away, awaiting a call from the boyfriend saying he's on his way home, asking if there's food to eat, or even declaring that he's staying out later than usual. Even more, I will venture out to invitations of delightful outings, food, and dancing - solo if I have to, despite the fact the mutt will be all by himself yet again. I refuse to let life pass by while I sit on my couch wondering what could have been. Some of you may be thinking that I am saying all this as a sort of rebellion against my relationship. But that is not the case at all: I am not made at Mike, yet instead am mad at myself for letting my spark, my life, my smile...just slip away...if that makes any sense at all.

Anyway, it feels good to promise myself these things. It feels good to chop off my hair and to see my smile, which was just this morning hidden by layers of hair and self doubt. It feels good to do things just because I CAN...It feels good to remember I am young and not old, that I am beautiful inside and out and despite everything, that life is worth living fully and to be savored like prime rib. And damn, I am hungry..I am eager to once again taste it's nectar....

The Hemingway Challenge

2007-06-26T19:15:00.000-05:00

Legend has it that Earnest Hemingway was once
challenged to write a story in only SIX WORDS.
The result was "For sale: baby shoes, never used."
(http://smithmag.net/sixwords/)

Here's an interesting and challenging activity. Try to compose YOUR story (the story of YOU) in EXACTLY six words (no more, no less). For some, this may be painful. (It's very hard to tell your whole story in six words.)

Dylan: Facing my Fears, Living my Dreams
Carin: Lives planned perfectly will imperfectly unfold.
Kayla: Fate lay in dreams yet realized.
Dre: Life's easy with your eyes shut.
Keigh: Appreciate mistakes for what they are!
EJ: Many pages turned, very little read.
Colby: A moment of clarity never rendered.
Moot: They've swollen, the size of softballs!
Herb: What sucks now will always suck.
Larry: I came, I saw, I drank.
King Iggy: Born to raise hell, then died.
Nicole: Life is full of little dissapointments.
Mike J: I wonder what else I forgot.
Mandy: The future starts today, not tomorrow.
Arie: Water is actually, with persuasion, flammable.
Kris: Live, love, dream, and be happy.
Jessica: All this work for one screw.
james: SALE: parachute, used once - small stain
Bagheera: I'm still learning how to breathe.
Brandice: Even teachers must never stop learning
Jason(PMIYT8,OTPD!) : Boobies shown, I died happy, yay
So Very...Kerry: I have taken, now I give.
Beau How did I pull this off?
Katiebug: Oh I'll think about that tomorrow.
Sam: I'm going to be a Daddy
Dina Marie: It's the story of my life.....
Dawn~ Taking one day at a time.......
Kim - Mother, wife, complete happily ever after
ileana: expect the unexpected; it WILL happen
Vicki: I live my life for me.
Paloma: Living the life of my dreams.
Michelle: Happiness is easier than I thought.
Shannon: Living though words that are written
pirate J: That bitch, she broke my heart.
pirate j: dumb funny, mother metaphorical fucker.
pirate j: I love life beyond any reason.
Miles - Arrived, tried to be happy, disappeared
SA: Born to live, live to die.
Handsome Duke: She lived with a virgin father
jami - subcutaneous structure served no purpose here
jesica - fuck jami, you cut my face
miranda - nevermind the blood in your sink
Xtine - Weak minded die at my feet.
doug- walked with many, seen so few
prissy miss chrissy - lather, rinse, repeat. (lather, rinse, repeat.)
prophetic jerk so able - Wages of sin: Hungover, dreadfully ill.
autumn-love like lightning, break like thunder.
abe- searching, and finding it in me.
phil - i'm the captain of my soul
rockie- was lost, but now am found.
Candice-Heart of Lion,Soul of Cub
Janet~ STRONG MINDED, weak hearted..getting better
philly phil - going out with bang like Hemingway
xochitl - My happily ever after is now.
ms. purity - I am a symphony of contradictions

if you're happy and you know it, shake your ass!

2007-06-25T15:52:00.000-05:00

It's one of those rare moments in life where I feel everything is exactly like it should be. I take a look inward and realize life has been good to me.

~ In addition to doing weights and the elliptical machine, I have started jogging during my lunch break. I am averaging between 2 to 3 miles a day and when I'm not incredibly sore, I feel like I am on top of the world.

~ I am over half way done with knitting the baby blanket. Pictures are sure to come. I hope the baby enjoys it and on those chilly autumn days, is happily warmed in it.

~ I am enjoying the summer as much as possible. Last week alone I went to see the White Sox play and got free tickets to Cirque Shanghai.

~ Since school ended I have been spending much more quality time with the parents, Mike, and Taz. I have been taking naps during a lazy Sunday afternoons, long walks with the mutt, and spending hours at end knitting and reading my Harry Potter book.

~ My last vacation of the summer is in a month! I can't wait for my Miami trip with Rachel and the girls. Being the chica I am, you can be sure I'm going to search for some good Cuban food while I am down there.

I hope you are all enjoying your summer and that your life is equally content as as mine.

Peace n Love.

ode to our soldiers

2007-06-24T22:05:00.000-05:00

Tears fall like rain for soldiers
Kept prisoner by a call to duty for lies
Holding the brunt of the war behind their eyes
Nightly fighting nightmares laced with sounds of baby cries
Nighmares that their friend has died...and died all over again

My heart cries out for these soldiers
Most are young, inexperienced, and
Have unwillingly became the martyr for their government
Who sacrificed their lives just to get ahead
And lead them astray amid gunfire
A government that will have forgotten them
Minutes after the blood and tears have been shed
Minutes after their Purple hearts of lead and muscles of fury used to bring forth
Democracy...
Democracy which has long set sail to prevail
to brainwash the meak
to break down their fleets and bring forth oil

These young soldiers did not enlist for this
Lives amiss
Even If they survive
will they ever truly mend?
Truth is many of their souls are lost
never to be found again
Sacrifice scars their blackened faces
Eyes fill with loss of life and destruction
Bullets and bombs torn through hearts leaves families in mourning
Sons and daughter taken without warning
Who would have known the consequences of swearing allegiance to the flag?
The consequences...of freedom?

destination: final paper

2007-06-11T15:06:00.001-05:00

picture via flickr

Over the last 3 weeks I have spent over 70 hours researching for and writing my final paper, which I am happy to report that I am finishing the final touches on. At 23 pages long (not including references, title page, or appendixes), I have poured my heart and soul into it.

I always knew I had a passion for education. Always knew I wanted to make the world a better place...but this paper on public school funding released emotions I never knew I had. At times doing the research I was infuriated at the vast differences I found between the rich and poor, at times I wanted to cry because I saw myself, my family, and friends in so many of the stories and studies I read. I feel like a wool has been lifted off my eyes allowing me to conceptualize the inequalities in education...but in it's place...a weight has been placed on my chest. I feel helpless to change it...

If anyone is interested in reading my paper, just let me know. I will be happy to spread the knowledge to the masses.

the beauty of rain

2007-05-31T18:39:00.000-05:00

Today when I was walking Taz it started to rain...and not just any rain. But a kind of rain reminiscent of Puerto Rico on a lazy afternoon. The sun was still shining, it was still relatively warm outside, yet a soft rain fell...then stopped for a few minutes...then rained again.

I was so refreshing, so cleansing. I could feel it replenishing everything around me and for a second...everything I had to do and all my worries just evaporated. I just let it soak it in and wash me of everything I didn't need.

I love the rain...

back to reality

2007-05-29T19:52:00.000-05:00

From Left Top to Right Botton: Quang, Rachel, Mike, Me

We just got back from santa monica late last night. I had such a kick-ass & relaxing weekend that I am dreading having to go back to work tomorrow. Rachel & Quang were wonderful hosts and I am thankful for such crazy, loving, KICK-ASS friends. Much love to them for taking us into their casa...I LOVE YOU GUYS!!

got gas?

2007-05-24T13:05:00.000-05:00

Ideally, I would say ride a bike instead of fill 'er up...but most people are going to be driving around this weekend like crazy... SOOOO, I hope you remembered to fill up the old gas tank already because gas prices are just going to go through the roof the closer it gets to the weekend. As of now, I saw gas prices by my house for $3.92/gallon for regular unleaded (yes, that's the cheap shit).

But I truly lucked out this week. There are no words to explain how happy I was to actually SCORE some gas at $3.52/gallon in the suburbs two days ago. It's so sad to even say that $3.52/gallon is a steal. I SHOULD NOT BE GETTING HAPPY FOR PAYING THAT MUCH FOR GAS..PERIOD...I remember just a few yeas ago when $2 a gallon was the norm (not even that long ago actually).

The way things are going nowadays, it makes you question if there will there be a day when people just CAN'T afford gas anymore (and whether those days are coming faster than we care to admit)....Mad Max type days where gas is a luxury for the elite and not just an everyday commodity to be taken for granted by the masses...A day when a majority of American's just WON'T BE ABLE to afford the gas costs of Hummers and SUV's? Well...Only the rich folks I guess.

Ok, I digress yet again...if you haven't gotten your gas, go now...RUNNNN before it's too late and you are applying for that bank loan to fill 'er up!!! By the way, you can check out the best gas prices in your area at gas buddy.

i'm leaving on a jet plane...

2007-05-24T10:45:00.000-05:00

chillin like a villain

Because I leave for vacation tomorrow, I should be tying up all the loose ends here at the office..but I can't. I'm already on vacation mode and truthfully, my brain's swirling with all the last minute errands and packing I have to do tonight in preparation for the trip. Charge the camera (check), pack the flip flops (check), do last minute loads of laundry (to do later), run to the bank (to do later)...the list just goes on and on.

Manana me & the bf are heading to Santa Monica to hang out with our friends Rachel & Guang. They have a sweet pad about 6 blocks from the Santa Monica beach, which unfortunately looks like we won't be enjoying too much off. Temperatures are only going to be in the 60's!! How can Chicago weather actually be hotter than that of southern California? Dammit.

Anyway, in any case, I am off from work until next Wednesday and I couldn't be more thankful. Since I haven't really had a day off since Christmas time, I am sooo looking forward to some heavy duty R&R. I plan to stay away from all forms of technology during the trip, so you won't be getting an update from me in a while. But in the meanwhile, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday weekend. Peace n love!!

peace n love.

the immaculate conception..

2007-05-23T13:30:00.000-05:00

Has anyone else read about the female shark in Omaha Nebraska which immaculately concepted an offspring? Evidently, she hadn't had contact with a male shark in over three years but SOMEHOW was able to fertilize her own eggs. Even after DNA tests were done, there was no evidence of paternal DNA found.

Asexual reporduction...parthenogenesis...immaculate conception...Whatever you wanna call it, that's fucken evolution, man! Female sharks everywhere are saying "who needs that hammerhead anyway, I will do it myself!!!"

my blog has a new face...

2007-05-08T18:38:00.000-05:00

Just as the seasons change, so must the face of my blog. This time, I decided to update it with vibrant colors. And what a pain in the ass it was! The new blogger has done everything in it's power to mess up any templates I tried to use. Even this one looks kinda scrunched in Mozilla, which is my browser of choice...but I digress...for the most part, I'm loving the template.

So, any feedback on how it looks? Let me know if it looks jacked up when you visit. I will troubleshoot it as best as I can. Peace n love to all...

the baby blanket

2007-05-07T21:18:00.000-05:00

There is truly something to be said about creating something with your bare hands. A certain pride that you just can't get from buying that same article from the store. Within the last year, I have gone from learning to knit, to making scarves, to knitting hats. Now I'm starting to challenge myself into more complex projects such as blankets and purses. Who knew I could be so crafty??!!

And, while school has been keeping me busy like no body's business, I still try to find time to knit. My current project is for Mike's sister, who is expecting her first child. Since she decided not to find out the gender of the babe, I opted for a gender neutral light green organic cotton fabric from blue sky alpaca. It's pure ecstasy to work with and so soft I just want to wrap myself up in it from head to toe. I found the basic checker box pattern for the blanket on this lovely blog, though I changed it up just a tad. As of now, I'm about 1/4 through and am damn proud of my work...but I have along way to go.

Wish me luck!!

scattered thoughts

2007-04-26T16:18:00.000-05:00

Viva la Craigslist! God I love this site. Over the course of the weekend, I got a 80 gig Video ipod (still factory sealed) for a whopping $75 cheaper than in the stores. I know it was a splurge, but it was high time I treated myself to something nice, dammit. Next on the agenda: the $70 Belkin FM tuner for the ipod...found on none other than craigslist for $30.

Another positive: I was able to rent one of my units on the first day of showing it. My new tenants will move in Mid-May and I am happy as a lark to not have to be without rental income for too much longer...To top it off, I didn't have to pay for the apartment listing because it was (you guessed it) listed on Craigslist for FREE. Damn, I'm like a walking billboard for them today, aren't I?

In other news, it's been over 2 months since I started working out 4 to 5 days a week on the elliptical and weight machines. In fact, my new found regimen inspired my bf to join the gym 3 weeks ago. To date, he has lost 5 pounds...as for me...a MEASLY 3. What the hell? I am so hating on him right now.

Oh, and school is going extremely well. I'm getting an "A" in my Stratification class thus far, and it's midway through. But, I'm still struggling to find a topic for my 18 page research paper. It has to examine one of the primary barriers children face in education. I'm thinking it will either be on School Funding or Bilingual Education. Wish me luck.

the most kick-ass sign EVER

2007-04-13T15:40:00.000-05:00

Did anyone in the Chicago area see this sign near an expressway?!! Drats, I wish I had caught it in person!!! It only was up for 15 minutes before it was yanked.

By the way, I found the picture at: this blog via the chicagoist. It's actually a very creative & interesting blog so go check it out!

do ya feel like swimming?

2007-03-29T16:08:00.000-05:00

I found this post on the consumerist just simply hilarious. Try mapping out a course from a city in the states to London, UK. Just try it. Try it. I will wait....you done yet? FUNNY HUH??!!

Here's the scoop:
It was found that when you map a route from Chicago to London, Google Maps suggests you SWIM 3,500 miles ACROSS the Atlantic Ocean to get there. The trip will take a whopping 29 days, 22 hours just to arrive in the UK...damn, there goes ALL of your vacation time. I heard of traveling on a budget, but c'mon!

food for thought

2007-03-27T20:18:00.000-05:00

"Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime."
Aristotle

When did helping the homeless find a meal become a crime? Cities across the nation from Orlando to Las Vegas have begun penalizing local charities which are feeding the homeless on City property...simply because they think it will help lower crime rates and indirectly, increase tourism to their glorious cities. In Dallas, for instance, you have to get certified to handle food and apply for permits just to serve the homeless in city parks. Failure to follow this procedure can lead to a hefty $2,000 fine.

Wait a minute...isn't it obvious that further making poverty worse in your communities by denying people of the basic right to eat - won't lower crime rates, but increase them? And, obviously, if crime rates are up, people sure aren't going to be running over each other to visit your city.

This government falls victim to never seeing the big picture in deep seeded issues. They opt for the cosmetic fix, instead of trying to heal them at their source. Or maybe they just don't give a fuck?!

This country is disturbing on so many levels.

For those curious, the article can be found here.

i gotta spring in my step

2007-03-22T11:07:00.000-05:00

It seems to me like this is the perfect start to the spring season. The sun has just come out and the scent of rain fills my nose thorugh the open window here in my office. And, for the first time this year this chica has actually worn a skirt to work. ahhhh, life is good.

wwjd ?

2007-03-19T10:56:00.000-05:00

4 years after the war officially begun there have been:
~ 3,200 American troops killed
~ over 59,000 Iraqi civilians which have lost their lives
~ 23,000 American troops wounded
~ about 250 American allied troops killed
~ over $409,000,000,000 American tax dollars spent
~ Increased Iraqi pessimism about U.S. involvement in their country - with 82% expressing a lack of confidence in the U.S. coalition and 69% thinking the U.S. had even made the security situation even worse

and what for? what have we accomplished? I sit here on the anniversary of this cursed war and my heart aches. In these days and times it's hard to not become immune to what we see on the news day after day, but we have to come together and say "NOT ONE MORE DOLLAR SPENT...NOT ONE MORE LIVE TAKEN" and actually mean it.

book sluttin around town...

2007-03-16T15:50:00.000-05:00

Within the past week and half I have read two wonderful books.

The sociologist in me thought Two in a Bed: The Social System of Couple Bed Sharing was a fascinating look into how couples deal with the complex task of sharing a bed (which by default is such a personal space). While sleeping is not usually considered something social in nature, the sheer act of sharing a bed/sleeping with someone else is a social interaction, albeit an extremely personal one. In any case, I think a lot of people can relate to the range of topics discussed: hogging the bed (or sheets), snoring, the overabundance of annoyances such as leaving the TV on, being a night person while your mate is a morning person...the list goes on and on. While the book doesn't offer any insights on how to solve these annoyances, it does report on how other couples do try to cope with their partners habits. The topic is so unique that I think I might actually write a paper on this for class.

The other book I had the joy of indulging in was The Alchemist: A Fable About Following Your Dream. This was such a feel good book that I read it in one night. Though the story line is a bit unbelievable (keep in mind - it is a fable), after reading it I felt compelled to do all the things I have been procrastinating on: re-writing my resume, cleaning out my closet, and selling my house. I highly recommend it if you are looking for a quick read that just emanates positive energy and re-affirms your belief in "destiny".

The next book on my list is Dream: Re-imagining Progressive Politics in an Age of Fantasy, which I just took out from the library. The premise is that politics has become "theatre" and that progressives need to get creative in order to grab the attention of American citizens, who hunger for and are attracted to a sort of fantasy life. He dubs this mentality "dreampolitik". Hopefully, I can get this book finished by the start of next semester, which starts next Wednesday.

spring is here

2007-03-13T13:34:00.000-05:00

It's a whopping 72 degrees here in Chicago and for those who don't know - that's over 20 degrees above normal for this time of year. While most people are out enjoying the care-free summer like weather out there, I can't help but cringe just a little. This is Global Warming at it's finest.

Don't mean to sound cynical, but I'm just saying. Open your eyes and see what we are actually doing to this planet. While we are basking in the sunshine of warmer weather, ice caps are melting...

that is all...you can go back to sipping your mocha lattes now.

dog-napped !!

2007-03-12T13:35:00.000-05:00

What type of world do we live in when you can't even let your dog out in the backyard for a few minutes without some crazy ass neighbor stealing him???!!!!

TRUE STORY: Taz was let out for not even 10 minutes before we noticed someone had opened up the back gate and let him out. Curiously enough: there was a half-eaten piece of polish sausage near the open gate. We KNEW both the gate was closed and that polish sausage was not there when we let him out just minutes before. After frantically searching for him in the alley, calling out his name, etc, some kids playing basketball at a garage a few houses down told us that a polish man who lives nearby came by and TOOK Taz. THE BALLS OF THAT MAN! Luring my dog with food to his house!!! Sure enough, when we knocked on the back door of the house in question, we saw Taz happy as a lark soaking up the attention of a polish family who couldn't even look us in the eyes. When confronted, the man who STOLE my dog pretended not to know English, only saying how friendly Taz was. We should have called the cops on him, but instead left him with a warning that if he comes near our yard or near our dog again, we would have him arrested. I mean, c'mon, if this was a kid in question he would be kidnapping! The man was lucky he was old, because my boyfriend was so upset he could have killed him.

All this happened and Taz had no idea how close he came to being stolen and never seeing me or Mike ever again. He was just happy to get attention and human food. I'm pist and just plain terrified that this could have even happened right in my own backyard! I still have no idea why the guy took him, cuz after a while I'm sure we would have noticed our dog in someone else's backyard. One theory was he was planning on selling him, or worse yet cooking him up in some kind of polish delicacy (do polish people even eat dog?). Either way, it was a close call and I am so thankful my pooch is safely at home. Needless to say, we are installing a locking feature on our gate to ensure this type of thing doesn't happen again.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THE CAJONES OF THAT OLD MAN!!! URGGGHHHH....

i'm a survivor

2007-02-27T15:31:00.001-06:00

So much time has passed since my last entry on my compleximplicity that part of me was actually scared to come back to the world of blogging. I had started writing catch-up posts countless times only to delete them. Nothing seemed adequate enough; the words were meaningless and could not reflect...me. Many fluff posts had been started too, but they just seemed fake- not true representations of what I was thinking 95% of each day. No words can encapsulate everything that's happened in life the last few months so it's futile to even attempt it. All I can say is that I'm still here: surviving and trying my best to smile. Life is funny that way, when it seems you are on a downward spiral for too long and can't take it anymore, suddenly things stabilize, and suddenly, you can breathe again.

For those who have emailed me the last few months expressing concern and sending me & my family positive energy, I am thankful for your support. Even though we may never have met physically, it's nice to know I was missed and thought of. Mickie: I have been keeping up with you almost every day too (lurking in the background of course). Mexrician: I will be emailing you soon to catch up. Know my prayers are with you & your family as well. Keep your head up, chica. Yoli: thanks for your positive vibes and the email updates of politics/cultural activities in the city. One day soon we should meet up, since you live in the CHI. Somehow, I feel there's much to say. Everyone else who's dropped a note here and there, I'M BAAACKKKK!!!!

Now for the updates: I am happy to report my father is recovering from his stroke quicker than the doctors anticipated. After 3 months of suffering cabin fever, he has recently started work again, though he is still going to speech therapy twice a week. Though he may never be 100% again, he is strong in body & spirit and really seems to be happy to finally get out of the house. I must say, seeing him struggle and overcome all the hurdles he has over the last 3.5 months has shown me what a survivor he truly is and he has truly inspired me to overcome my own hurdles. And I have a lot of hurdles. In fact, it got to a point where I felt like I collected them for a while.

I started off the year saying I had no resolutions; however, almost 3 months into 2007, I seem to have made a list of them. Well, perhaps they aren't resolutions per se, but goals. This year is about me, dammit.

~ To start meditating again (this is a challenge since Mike actually sleeps with me now and he's not into "NEW AGE SHIT")
~ To sell my shit HOLE of a house (fuck this being a landlord thing, I'm going to end up killing somebody not wanting to pay me rent)
~ To finally move in with Mike (we keep putting it off and what for?)
~ To work out at least thrice a week (I'm actually going with a few co-workers during lunch starting tomorrow)
~ To visit my parents at least twice a week and spend at least 3 hours each visit (for obvious reasons)
~ To vacation as much as possible (already I have gone on 2 long weekends and have 3 more planned before the year is out)
~ To start my paper journal again (some thoughts are better left on paper...in private)
~ To actually have a social life...go to art galleries, lounges, and have dinner dates with people I love and miss (I've been much better at this the last few months)
~ Continue going to graduate school (despite the despair & panic attacks I get when people inquire what I can possibly do with a masters in sociology)
~ To stop being so nice to people who just don't deserve it

With a little determination and a smile, I know that these goals can be done. After all, I'm a survivor, just like my papi.

2007-01-15T14:38:00.002-06:00

I refuse to think of the stresses bearing down on me...
I won't tend to wounds that continue to bleed
Instead
I pour my soul on paper and let things subside as they may
Tears fall apart at the seams of my eyes...like the reality that is falling around me
My loss of faith and patience has left me standing here alone
with
Head pounding
Wrist slashing thoughts
FUCK IT ALL
AND KISS IT ALL GOOD BYE
Though morbid thoughts wander in my mind...I know
Life is precious...
I could never come to that
Somehow, I am stronger than I appear
Yet I find myself screaming in dreams
My tears falling to the depths of earth...
My boyfriend's arms, once home to me
unable to chase demons that have me in choke holds
I stand alone
My emotions mixed through the blender of life
I stand afraid
I am tired
And angry and sad
Yet somehow...deep down I have hope
Hope for the future
Hope for happiness
Hope for anything but this...

2006-12-21T18:49:00.000-06:00

Lately, my life has been turned upside down...
Nothing is what it seems
And everything I believed has been shattered
In fact, these past two months have challenged me like nothing else ever
There's so much to tell yet my heart won't let me
My lips clench and my heart chokes each time I try
It's been hard...and I really don't want to give specifics...
Instead I will meditate my ass off
Light a candle
Drink a beer
And relish in the fact that for now,
I am on MUCH NEEDED vacation

Peace n love

2006-11-02T11:48:00.001-06:00

I stand before you
Unsure of life
Unsure of me
Unsure of love
I question you
With heart and soul and mind
"there's only you" you utter in reply
But fading glimmers
In shifty eyes
Tell me otherwise...

do you smell shit ?

2006-10-12T11:51:00.001-05:00

This just in: President Bush is in Chicago today. Huh! I was wondering what that foul smell was.

happy birthday to me!

2006-10-06T09:52:00.000-05:00

Today I am another year older, another year stronger & wiser...but on the other hand: I am yet another year closer to that ever manacing big 3-0 (oh no!). And I feel it. I am finally at an age where I dont have any major partying planned. In fact, I plan to have a very low key 28th birthday, spending it celebrating with my family and a few close friends. I wish I had time off for a vacation. But I'm pack ratting what little PTO I do have for the holidays - to get more bang for my buck.

Here's to a kick ass year ahead.

my crystal ball prediction...

2006-10-06T09:41:00.001-05:00

Don't let the falling gas prices fool you...shortly after the Novemeber elections, I predict they will skyrocket once again. It may not be the day afterward, but come January 2007, we will be bent over yet again at the gas pump. Damn crooked government officials...

tornado in chicago ?

2006-09-24T11:36:00.001-05:00

the aftermath of the storm half a block from my parents house

Friday night during the tail end of rush hour traffic- what appeared as a small tornado came close to striking in Chicago. During my commute: a mere 5 minutes from my house, I noticed the clouds becoming more angry - they were dark, fast moving, and close to the ground. The sky became pitch black in a mere instant and it started pouring rain so hard you couldn't see across the street. Something felt terribly wrong about this storm & when tree branches started swaying back and forth, I started to panic. When I pulled up to the front of my house with a quickness, the grammar school half a block away was blaring it's sirens - warning all within earshot range to seek shelter. As soon as I got into my house, my windows starting shaking ever so softly and rain just poured down from the heavens. My dog just kept barking and running back and forth. When I turned on the TV, the news stated there was a tornado warning for the city and advised everyone to stay indoors for the next 45 minutes.

Thankfully, my house and my neighborhood did not incur any damage. However, my parent's neighborhood, a mere 3 miles from my house, didn't fare as well. I got worried that night because my parent's phone line was down. So, when the storm cleared I made haste to go check on them. As I drove to their house, I noticed the small streets within a miles radius from their house were closed due to trees which have fallen in the storm. When I pulled onto my parents block, I noticed right away that the lights for the block had failed - it was pitch black and there were huge tree branches scatterred about. Thankfully, both my parents, their cars, and their house were ok. Though, they went without light and a phone for almost 3 hours.

We were lucky because a few houses in the area had sustained damage to their windows, frame, and/or roof. There were cars which prematurely met their demise - crushed because they were parked under trees which fell victim to the storm. A mere block from their house, a street which was once lined with trees, now has close to none to enjoy. I tried to chronicle the damage with my camera the next morning, but City workers were already clearing out the streets and surveying the damage. Still, what I captured should give you an idea of the devastation the Jefferson Park neighborhood in Chicago endured due to the storm. See the pictures HERE

just checking in

2006-09-19T15:38:00.000-05:00

Both school and work have been keeping me busy for the last week and I must admit that I am still transitioning into the idea of actually having homework to do again after so many years. And there is a lot of homework to be had!! Every week I am responsible for reading upwards of 120 pages for one class. In addition, the class calls for a lot of writing as well, consisting of multiple research papers, study questions, and biographies of sociologists. One good thing remains to be seen: I will not have to endure one test (I almost gasped when my professor said it). Though I have a feeling that the sheer amount of writing and reading required of me will more than make up for that fact. The class itself is wonderful: to actually discuss things that matter in the world like education, sexism, racism, war, government, and family really is refreshing to say the least.

On a personal note: after so much turmoil in my life the last few months, lo and behold, everything in life seems to be falling into place smoothly right now. I still have remained successful at not smoking (though I have indulged in a cigarette once or twice in the last few weeks I must admit). BBUUTTT, I have refrained from buying a pack and perform my deep breathing techniques religiously each day (I still sing in the car too for those who are wondering). Soon I will actually be onto Step 2 of my patch system (yey for me!). By my calculations, so far I have saved a whopping $120 over the course of 4 weeks by not smoking. I think that calls for a celebration of some shopping!

Peace and love...

mistaken identity

2006-09-12T22:15:00.001-05:00

How can this be ?
The one whose
other half completes me
the one who
I hold nothing back for

How is it that this man
is so oblivious to everything I stand for?
How is that my love
So strong, so pure
In no case is it demure
Goes by undetected?

My love...
just to see you smile
my heart leaps bounds
around my soul
knowing I have found
the true meaning of happiness
wrapped in your kiss

Yet still...
How can this be?
Can't you see me
Arms open
Heart aflame
Waiting for you?!

Your minds eye plays tricks
Sabotaging our love
Evaporating words spoken so truly
Turning them to dust

How can this be?
A case of mistaken identity
You think you see through me
But mistake me for someone else
Perhaps from your past
Or perhaps for yourself
And in the process...
You’re crucifying our love
Which stands tall through it all
But baby, it's battered

Now, how can you think your thoughts do not matter ?
Saying this like its everyday conversation
That's what hurts me the most
Shattering my hopes
of this divine love which I found in you

So to you I implore
how do you think we can just ignore
these feelings and still push forth?
Just tell me...
How can we achieve true happiness
When these thoughts of doubt are splattered
On our souls?
Forming a cloud around each kiss
Denying ourselves true happiness?

These feelings can no longer be denied
Open your eyes
And...
See past your fears
Know in your heart
I will be by your side for many years

I love you in soo many ways
Words cannot convey
These feelings
So deep
I get beside myself just thinking about you

You are my air
You are my life
For our love I will forever fight
Otherwise,
My life just wouldn't seem right

Maybe one day you will see
Just how much our love means to me
Til that day
I will pray
that you will look my way
And see LOVE.

september 11th remembered

2006-09-11T16:25:00.001-05:00

I tell people all the time that I'm a symphony of contradictions because often times I feel two completely opposite feelings simultaneously- feelings that constantly draw me in different directions. Remembering 9/11 is one of those times for me. At one end of the spectrum, 9/11 seems soo far away/distant from me - like it happened a long long time ago (after all...so much has happened in the world since then.) It's almost like a faraway nightmare to me. Yet on the other end of the spectrum, I can remember the day's details like it happened yesterday. I remember what I did on that day, who I was with, even what I was wearing..almost down to the hour. What were you doing on that fateful day? Please share with me your story if you can...

My personal recollection of 9/11:
"I remember I was still in college @ that time and didn't have the burden of working that morning. When the first plane attacked, I was actually still in bed - then I got a phone call from my boyfriend (well..my boyfriend at the time). I will never forget the horror in his voice: it woke me up with a quickness. I turned on the TV just in time to see the second tower get hit and I was speechless...it was like time froze and I was still dreaming. That day I was also scheduled to go to traffic court-just hours after the attacks..and I will never forget it. In court they had a moment of silence for all the victims and as we mourned, I felt like crying like a baby. TV's and radio's were on everywhere I went. For days on end afterward - every news channel across the country, and undoubtedly across the world, were replaying the horrific moments over and over again. I can honeslty say that it is the only time I actually looked towards President Bush for guidance in his two terms in office. "

Another contradiction in my mind is while I feel saddened by the destruction and killing that went on that tragic day- I also feel like we have caused the same, if even not worse destruction and killing in the countries we have sworn to help combat this terrorist activity (iraq, afganistan, etc). One of my closest friends pointed out that in the states we always mention 9/11 with horror, but in many parts of the world, 9/11 happens 24/7 - the horror is non-stop.

Ya know: sometimes I think this world is way too fucked up to be salvaged. At times I must confess that I am scared to procreate, lest my children grow up in situations and horrors which would make 9/11 look like a vacation. It's beyond sad, and while the world at large should be thinking of ways to make it better for the future, it seems all people are concerned with are more bombs, more wars, and evermounting hate.

So I end this post by suggesting a simple solution(yet somewhat complicated in it's execution I admit)...a world-wide peace day: I shall dub it "worldwide peace day". Just imagine it: FOR ONE DAY...everyone across the globe throwing down their weapons and fists, and instead of fighting and killing, people will enjoy the comfort of family and/or friends. I truly think (or hope) that maybe if humans get a taste for what we have to live for, we can get past all this hatred for one another and truly appreciate life for what it is- a precious gift. I know this whole thought makes me the queen of wishful thinking, but oh well. A girl can dream...

This is one hippy militant signing off with a peace sign. And as I do so, I say a little prayer to all those who have suffered a loss directly or indirectly due to 9/11...

hit the road, jack...

2006-09-08T16:32:00.000-05:00

man, just look at all the money I'm saving!

Ok, ok, I didn't want to spill the beans just yet (lest I jinx it), but after almost 3 weeks of keeping it inside, I feel confident enough to come out with it...(AHEM).

Here it goes: I am officially a non-smoker (or a recovering smoker to be more exact). It's been a little over 2.5 weeks since I brought a pack, and while it is hard AS ALL HELL, somehow I am surviving. As some of you may know, I have tried quitting smoking about a dozen times in the last few years, and each time I failed miserably at it. But somehow, this time feels different - more finalized and purposeful. For starters: when I have a craving, it doesn't seem like the end of the world - I just take some deep breaths, sometimes swear a few times to myself, and just keep moving.

My weapons of choice: the patch, my ellipitical machine, things to busy up my mouth (gum, candy, pens, whatever), and surprisingly enough...music. While most people crave their smokes the most after eating or perhaps in the morning, I find that I have the hardest time coping in the car. During the commute I have to endure to and from work (one hour each way), I could easily go through 2 or 3 cigarettes each way...smoking in traffic jams helped calm me in ways I cannot even begin to explain. This is where I find myself the weakest. So much in fact, I am scared to even trust myself (just yet) to walk into a gas station to see all the cigarettes beckoning to me from behind the counter. I HAVE TO handle all my gas transactions from the pump. Anyway, back to the whole music thing. I find comfort in just blaring my music REALLY LOUD and singing at the top of my lungs. Being that I can't sing worth a lick, I am sure I have made more than one passerby in a car stuck beside me in traffic close their windows. It truly is a sight to be seen (and heard) I'm sure. Oh, well. The world will have to cope with my singing for a while longer until I can drive without the support system.

But i have to say that this withdrawal thing's a royal pain. Sometimes I'm moody, bitchy, angry, or sad...sometimes I just want to plain and simple: pull my own hair out. But, deep inside I know like anything else, it will pass. And, it does relatively quickly. In addition, the last week or so I have noticed a lot of things I like about not smoking too..my hair and clothes smell better, I don't feel so tired all the damn time, and most importantly, my boyfriend can actually enjoy kissing me now!

I'm not naive though. It's still not over yet. My mom, after being clean for over 20 years told me she still craves a smoke every once in a while. But, I have a lot of support from friends. And now, because of this post, family members (who I never even smoked in front of EVER) will know about it too...and I hope to God, that when they read this that they support me too and not give me lip about what I've been doing to my body for the last few years.

6 days and counting...

2006-09-06T13:01:00.001-05:00

Even though we still have 2 more weeks until the official first day of Autumn (and the official countdown to my birthday) begins, in my mind, Fall in Chicago is already here. The trees are starting to show their first signs of color change, the weather has been chilly and brisk (especially in the mornings and evenings). Lastly, the sure fire sign of all signs: all the kids are back in school. I see kids of all ages on my commute to work, dressed in their new clothes and equipped with freshly sharpened pencils and untouched notebooks, drudging their way to the bus stop or walking with parents/and or friends to school. Ahh....the joy of being young...where all you have to worry about is turning in your homework on time.

Well that time (of doing homework) is almost upon me once again...in 6 days and counting I will be on my way to my Masters Degree- taking my first Graduate Level class: Advanced Intro to Sociology ( a prerequisite because I have no real background in Sociology). I am both excited and nervous - butterflies continue to play around in my belly - reminding me that it's been over 5 years since I've taken a test or written notes or even studied.

Yesterday, that feeling was compounded when I got an email from my professor. It was a simple email really...he just introduced himself, informed us where we would be meeting, and assigned some homework. Not only do I have to read 4 chapters before I even step into class, I have to find an article which deals with a pressing & current sociological debate. Being that the first day of class is a day after the 9/11 anniversary, I have a hunch that a majority of articles will be about war and the pressing issue of possible terrorist attacks.

Being the oddball that I undoubtedly am, I picked out a 2 part article from the Chicago Tribune which goes into detail about Illegal immigrant workers and the health care system. Unlike a lot of the articles you read nowadays,this article actually goes the opposite way into detailing the heavy price illegal immigrants pay for taking on such shitty and dangerous positions. It is a very interesting article and I highly suggest you read it and let me know what your thoughts are on the topic.

Til later...Peace and love.

file under: weird shit (literally)

2006-09-06T12:56:00.001-05:00

is it me, or does tom cruise have WAY too much time on his hands?

Ok, ok, I have to get this off my chest. Just reading about what Tom Cruise did in honor of his baby's first poop, I must say that he has hit a new level of weird in my book. Matter of fact, he's way past weirdo status...he's now officially fucken nuts...up there with Michael Jackson. And that, my friends, is no small feat!

Link to article with poop picture (its in the slideshow section)

mi madre...my hero

2006-08-31T16:36:00.001-05:00

Today it marks 53 wonderful years of life that my talented and beautiful mother has shared with the world. I don't talk much about her, but let it be known that I am a splitting image of my mom and that she is my hero. I look so much like her that, in fact, on more than one occasion when I have seen older pictures of her, I think it's actually of me (hah hah - true story). I used to hate that fact with every atom of my being, but now I thrive off it. I figure if I can be half the woman she is inside and out, well, I'm doing pretty darn good in life.

What can I say about my moms? Mi madre is a kind and giving soul and truly is the glue to our family, both nuclear and extended alike. The oldest of 12 brother and sisters, she has wiped many asses in her days and can cook a hell of a meal. Other thing that makes my mom...well mom...is her love for working out (she works out religiously- like 5 or 6 days a week), reads trashy romance novels likes nobody's business, always watches QVC (it's like crack to her), dances to salsa/meringue songs that play in her mind while she cleans & cooks , and is addicted to playing online games while she's working. She has a killer smile and snorts sometimes when she laughs (thats when you can tell shes the happiest). Even though she drives an old rickety saturn half the time, when it's nice outside - she pimps out in my dad's Chrysler Sybring convertible - doned with her pink sunglasses & blaring salsa music doing her little happy dance behind the wheel - she's the most beautiful thing to behold.

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS, MADRE. I love you more than words can possibly say!

familia service announcement

2006-08-29T11:59:00.002-05:00

I have been informed by a few sources that a few of my family members have been keeping up with my writing on this blog. And while I knew subconsciously that they may have one way or another found out about my (ever so public) writing vehicle, I never thought they would keep tabs on me. Since I have found out about this, suddenly I find myself hesitant to disclose certain facts about my life and wondering what they will think or say to some about some of my writing and/or thoughts.

That being said, my writing lately has been "carefully" written as not to disclose certain things or delve too deeply into facets of myself which my family may deem...ahem...naughty or surprising.

Well...no more! I shall fight the desire to be anything but myself. My writing is an extension of me, and dammit, I shall not be ashamed of who I am. So, my dear family members (you know who you are): if I shall offend you in any way and/or disclose something about me which you feel the need to gossip about behind my back, so be it. I am always open for discussion about anything and everything I write (if you know me at all, you know I am down for lively discussion any day of the week). Instead of animosity, hopefully, by reading my blog, you all should come to know me better, and just maybe-MAYBE-respect me a little more than you did in the past.

Peace n love to all (especially my blood).

and then there were eight

2006-08-24T13:09:00.001-05:00

I have no idea why the stripping of planetary status of Pluto bothers me as much as it does. But, it just rubs me the wrong way that after 76 years of teachings that our solar system had nine planets, suddenly they decide Pluto doesn't qualify. It's now considered a dwarf...what the hell? It's like suddenly it's the unpopular kid, just kicked to the curb and never thought of again.

our solar system...sans Pluto

Just think of all the science books that will have to be chucked due to the inaccuracy; even such things as Trivial Pursuits answers must be updated to read 8 planets as opposed to the 9 we all know and love. What's next? A total revision of what consists of the earth's core? A miscalculation and apparent shifting of the equator line? It's maddening, I tell you maddening.

I, for one, think there's still room for debate. In my mind there will always be 9 planets in out solar system. I don't care what those hoity toity astronomers have concluded. I don't doubt their knowledge one bit, however, they have to realize: you can't teach an old dog new tricks...especially this old dog!

mmm..chocolate virgin mary ?

2006-08-18T11:20:00.001-05:00

This morning while browsing the web I came across yet another story about people worshipping some type of food which THEY BELIEVE holds a likeness to the Virgin Mary. Just what exactly is it with people always seeing depictions of the virgin mary in food ? This time, it was found in a chocolate factory among scraps of other pieces of chocolate.

I don't know about you, but I don't see the likeness here at all (see pic below)...in fact, just looking at this picture of chocolately goodness is making me hungry. I understand that in these days and times everybody wants to take some comfort in their religion and salvation, etc...but just the thought of people literally worshipping a mis-shapen piece of chocolate with prayers and rose petals is just a little too much !! C'mon people..its a fucken piece of chocolate!!!! Get over it already.

depiction of the virgin mary or just a wonderful chocolatey replacement for sex?

the last few drops of summer...

2006-08-17T15:50:00.000-05:00

I still can't believe the summer is almost over! In what appears like a millisecond's time since spring ended, the sun is starting to set earlier and earlier each day - and suddenly, the nights and mornings appear just a little too chilly to wear a tank top or my sandals when I'm walking my Taz.

Anyway...here's what has been keeping me busy in these dog days:

1) Forcing myself to work out 3 times a week on my elliptical machine - no matter how lazy, tired, or busy I seem to be

2) Procrastinating on posting pictures to Lollapalooza 2006- which I attended at the beginning of the month. You guys can see what little I do have posted from the grand event here. The pictures at night which are barely visable are of Red Hot Chili peppers and Kanye West shows. (more on my lollapalooza experience below)

3) Starting the whole process of appealing my cook county property taxes all by myself (they are proposing to raise it by an astonishing 30%!!!). That craziness being said, I've done quite a bit of research on my neighboring buildings and read almost every piece of literature on the subject that I can get my hands on. I refuse to go quietly into the night!

4) Reading to my hearts content, because in less than a month when I start school I won't have that luxury anymore!!

As for Lollapalooza 2006, what more can I say other than it was such a kick ass experience! The weather was perfect in Chicago and most of the bands we saw were actually very interactive and sounded pretty good acoustically. As the days progressed, we did start getting to the festival later and later due to fatigue setting in and the fact that most of the bigger acts were later on anyway. Some of the bands we did check out were: auqualung, death cab for cutie, stars, gnarls barkely, the editors, the shins, kanye west, red hot chili peppers, blackalicious, and common. I was really bummed I didn't get to see the subways, ohmega watts, or kill Hannah, but what can I say ? You have to schedule your time wisely and if two good acts are going on at the same time at different ends of the park, you just can't be in two places at one time. Three whole days of live music for $140 was definitely worth it and I plan on going again next year if I can!

war...what is is good for ?!!

2006-08-14T11:06:00.000-05:00

More and more, I wonder if the end of the world is upon us. Every time I turn on the tube or search news websites, I am inundated with pictures and words of large scale destruction, meaningless killings and bombings, and most of all, deep rooted hatred affecting countries near and far. I am not a very religious gal, however I do consider myself pretty spiritual...and I can't help but wonder, "is this just the beginning of the end?"

No one can deny there is something terribly wrong with the world as it stands today. Thousands upon thousands of helpless people are caught in the crossfire, being killed just because they live in the wrong place at the wrong time. What is all this hatred for? What does it serve? What good is power and/or politics if all your people are dead? I just can't see how things can continue on this path of death and war without heavy consequence for everyone around the globe. What's most astonishing to me is how the value of life has been diminished to nothing and how much hatred there is going on around us. I can't comprehend why war and hatred have reigned supreme on almost everything. It's like the world has gone crazy.

This is not the way life was supposed to be. It was supposed to be filled with family, friends, love, and respect for others (even when you don't necessarily agree with others). Life is far too valuable to be wasting it on hatred based on differences of opinion, religion, and politics. Most all war is built upon trivial bullshit put into play by people who want the world to be a homogenous replica of what they themselves believe in.

Why can't we just get along...or at least just let each other be. One thing is for sure: with the state of the world as it is today, I find myself clinging to and appreciating family and friends a lot more than I used to...

In the words of the late, great John Lennon "some say I'm a dreamer..but im not the only one..."

Promoting Literacy in Chicago's Latino Community

2006-08-03T08:54:00.000-05:00

I just received email from The Chicago Latino Network and wanted it to pass the information on to others which may feel compelled to help Latino children in need in Chicago.

Chicago Public Schools (CPS) launched a new parenting and literacy pilot program last year called Padres a Padres for 3 and 4 year olds. It enrolled about 30 children who did not have other available preschool options into a special program. CPS set up a preschool classroom at a park district field house and got the kids and parents together twice a week. Each week, along with other activities, the teacher read a book and the children got to take a copy of the same book home with them. The parents were in the classroom learning how to read the books to their children to instill a love for reading and learning in their children. The class is taught in Spanish and all books are Spanish language. The program also includes an outing to the local library and home visits by CPS staff. This program has a wonderful parenting component and focuses on closing the book gap ('well-off' kids have hundred of children's books in their homes; 'poor' kids have only a handful).

CPS is planning to expand the program this Fall to include both a West side and a North side location, hoping to enroll up to 200 kids. Buying books are a large part of the budget for this fledgling program and they could use help as they expand the program.

Several local organizations, including the Chicago Latino Network, are taking a 200-book challenge to help defray the costs of expanding this wonderful program. Please join us!

The Chicago Latino Network asks its members and friends to donate new copies of the children's favorite, El Conejito Andarin, in hardcover format to the Padres a Padres Literacy Program at Chicago Public Schools. We are looking to collect 200 new hardcover copies of El Conejito Andarin by the Fall!

Among other places, the book is available online at:
Amazon.com for $15.60 (free shipping if you buy 2) - click here
Walmart.com for $11.18 (with $.97 shipping) - click here
Booksamillion.com for $12.46 (free shipping if you buy 3 copies) - Click here
Barnesandnoble.com for $10.95 (free shipping if you buy 3) - click here

Prices and promotions subject to change.

If you are ordering the books online, please have them shipped directly to
Luz Maria Solis
Chicago Public Schools
125 S. Clark St., 9th floor
Chicago, IL 60603
Phone: (773) 553-2019

Put "Donation for the Padres a Padres Program from [your name]" in the gift message.

back to your regularly scheduled blog...

2006-07-27T15:17:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, but I find myself beside myself - just quietly enjoying life to the fullest. For the past few weeks I have been keeping myself busy by:

~ playing the "I hate Bush" game in my head...you know the one where you don't wish death upon him, just simply fantasize what his hell would look like (you know you want to try it). My favorite thus far is an eternity of him being buttfucked so he can get a taste for what he's been doing to the U.S. and various countries around the world since he cheated his way into office (Did I mention I love this game?)

~ being a total bookslut. I have been reading an average of a book or two a week, with my most recent reads being "An Ordinary Man", "Lolita", "Sex, Time and Power: How Women's Sexuality Changed the Course of Human Evolution", and "Life of Pi"

~Enjoying the celebration of 4 years of bliss with the boyfriend (our anniversary was on Monday, ya'll)

~ going bike-riding on my new Fuji bike

~ stretching out the gas in my car as long as humanly possible before filling it back up again (I've been down to the wire, I'm afraid)

~ knitting a beautiful lilac scarf (I promise to post a picture of my first solo project when I'm done with it)

~ catching up (and then some) with an old friend from high school via yahoo messenger (my, how times have changed since then)

~ actually forgoing my life as a hermit and venturing outside to socialize in the form of dinner with friends, house parties, bar-b-ques, and the like

~Patiently awaiting the 1st of the month for my payroll and rent checks to roll through (finally, some credits instead of debits are appearing in my checking account)

In any case, I will try to get back into the habit of blogging more often again. I hope you all are enjoying your summer as much as I am !

this is me...

2006-07-14T11:13:00.002-05:00

I know ~ I have a long way to go to reach my goals - but I am getting there slowly

I believe ~ everything happens for a reason, no matter how fucked up it seems at first

I fought ~ the desire to sell myself short too many times to count..and still do to this day

I am angered ~ by ignorance and selfish people

I love ~ the feeling I get when he holds me in the middle of the night

I need ~ a vacation (and a manicure)

I take ~ the problems of the world onto my shoulders and in my heart

I hear ~ my radio playing in my cubicle - Gnarls Barkley to be exact

I drink ~ green tea like its crack

I hate ~ the smell of smoke...yet I can't seem to quit smoking

I use ~ my smile as a defense mechanism

I want ~ to understand the reason for my existence

I decided ~ I am happy with life just the way it is at the moment

I like ~ sleeping in on the weekends - when my dog lets me

I am ~ finally registered for a class for my masters...finally

I feel ~ out of place in the world more times than I care to admit

I left ~ my feelings of inadequacy at the door this morning

I do ~ not know how to say no to people...even when I should

I hope ~ to some day make a difference in someone's life

I dream ~ of growing old with him...

I drive ~ a car that's been in the shop a 3 whopping times within the last month & a half

I listen ~ to the whispers and shouts of my heart, my mind, and my soul daily

I type ~ fast and furiously - albeit with many spelling mistakes (thank god for spell check)

I think ~ too much, non stop, never ending

I wish ~ war would be a thing of the past..though I believe it never will

I compensate ~ for my mistakes with a lot of heart

I regret ~ that I inadvertently broke the hearts of many people in my short life span

I care ~ too much at times about things I cannot control

I should ~ hang out with my girls more often..really i should

I am not always ~ the nicest person in the world - blame it on the boriqua genes

I said ~ "life isn't about finding yourself, its about creating yourself" and meant it...

I wonder ~ if the roadkill on the street are really successful suicides by depressed animals

I changed ~ my life despite the innate fears of change I hold inside

I cry ~ whenever the tears need to make their appearance

I am ~ a symphony of contradictions at times

I am not ~ as self-confident as I used to be

I lose ~ my cool in traffic (one hour commutes with no a/c in the summer is killer)

I leave ~ soul naked as a child...can you accept me for me ?

ganked from ms mickey glitter

Mike....

2006-06-23T09:01:00.002-05:00

In love...
I take you in
With eyes and heart aflame
Your essence
Engulfs me
We are one and the same
In love...

mantra of the day: positivity is a way of life (ohhmmm)

2006-06-15T14:26:00.002-05:00

I realized something last night (yet again). Despite my best attempts at being positive, I'm physically & psychologically drained, tired and cranky all the damn time. Subconsciously I know life is too short to be any of things for long...and truthfully, compared to many others in the world -my life is a cakewalk. It's amazing how the hum drum of life can drag you down. It's an internal struggle I have found myself grappling with for quite a while.

But, as they say...negative in...negative out. So today, I sparked an internal change (once again) to manifest positivity into my life in small ways. (Hopefully) one day it will be instinctive as opposed to conscious actions. But in the meanwhile, I shall consciously appreciate and enjoy the small things in life that REALLY matter. Stuff like: the warm feeling I get inside when my boyfriend clings to me in the middle of the night. Or, how wonderful it is to come home to the happiest dog in the world who just couldn't wait for me to come walking through that door so he can land a kiss on me.

I will try not to sweat the spilled milk of my life. Instead, I will cherish the wonder that is my journey. And in doing so, today I reverberate my mantra: positivity is a way of life (ohhhmmmm)

stick a fork in me...i'm done !

2006-06-13T16:40:00.001-05:00

It's 4:30 p.m. and I refuse to do another lick of work. What can I say other than it's been a long day and I've accomplished so much that working any more would prove to be the equivalent of overtime to me. That being said, lemme say that it's truly surprising to me after carefully staring at spreadsheets ALL DAY, EVERY DAY for the past few years that:

(1) I am not cross eyed
(2) my eyesight IS NOT so bad that I can be declared legally blind
(3) My chair here at the office doesn't have a permanent butt print in it

hotter than hell...

2006-06-07T09:45:00.000-05:00

Today I check Tom Skilling's 7 day forecast - only to find that it was an astounding 8,282 degrees out today in Chicago. HAH!

help me, I'm melting!!!

(the sad thing is that this was the highlight of my morning)

6.6.6 ~ the day my car was possessed ~

2006-06-06T16:28:00.001-05:00

Anyone know a good priest which can do an exorcism on a car ? My 96 corolla was possessed this morning, I tell you! Here's the scoop: for a while now, my car has been giving me problems starting; yet no one could figure out why. This morning, I meagerly attempted to start my car, only for it to stick up it's middle finger to me for a good minute and a half. When I do finally start it, it sputters before turning over. So, finally it starts (yay!), but as I drive it a few feet I notice it sounds strange, so I pull over to park it.

Here's where it starts to get strange: the first thing I do is take out the key out of the ignition, right? AND GET THIS: THE CAR WOULDN'T TURN OFF!! The key is sitting in my lap and the engine is still on!!! So I did what any person in their right mind would: I started freaking out, calling to wake up my boyfriend to explain what was going on. Lo and behold, when I go to open the hood, the engine is going and all the little belts and such are flowing...all without a key in the ignition. That's when the smoke started coming out of the engine like it was on fire. It was horrible! Between waiting for a tow truck and taking it to the shop then hitching a ride from the boyfriend, my possessed car made me over 2 and a half hours late for work. Hopefully, my car is still salvageable and I pray that the mechanic doesn't screw me over like so many tend to do.

I did luck out in one aspect, though...a nice man felt sorry for me as he drove past, so he stopped to help me out in the heat of it all. Turns out he owns a towing company in Chicago and he only charged me $50 for a tow across town!!! I guess it pays to be stranded in a pretty skirt, doesn't it ? (smile)

3 day weekend here I come

2006-05-26T14:56:00.000-05:00

Before I left work early to embark on the 3 day holiday weekend, I wanted to send you all out a lil positive energy in hopes that you enjoy the memorial day weekend however the hell you see fit (i.e. whatever makes you happy). Whether that be spending it with friends & family, escaping it all by going away for the weekend, drinking massive quantities of alchohol (and/or or smoking a few blunts..smile), sleeping in, b-b-q-ing pound upon pound of meat, and/or singing in the shower...whatever!! I hope your weekend really rocks.

Just don't forget the true meaning behind the day! Memorial Day is a day to remember all the fallen soldiers who died so we can retain our freedom. So pay your respects between beer gulps, ya hear me?!!!

1984

2006-05-26T13:33:00.001-05:00

big brother's slogan in 1984

If you haven't heard of or read the classic novel - 1984 yet, do yourself a favor and go check it out of the library. Since I have started reading the book, I can't put it down. The views and visions this novel portrays about a crazy, all-engulfing totalitarian government and it's brainwashed citizens just sends chills down my spine. Especially with the blatant abuse of power that the US government has been flexing lately, somehow the books words hit my like a gong and make the dark reality of the novel more like a horror story in my eyes.

Word to the wise though: if you haven't read the book and click on the link I gave you, steer clear of the last paragraph: it kinda gives away the ending.

yup, i'm talkin to you...

2006-05-25T11:10:00.000-05:00

List up to ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation'.

1. I'd like to think one day we will get married, yet sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for you
2. And the most boring conversationalist award goes to...you!
3. Your voice is so squeaky it makes me want to tear my eyes out!
4. Stay in school young buck; you have so much potential and are TOO smart to just drop out!!
5. I hope one day you can forgive me and we can be friends again. I love ya.
6. I feel like we've known each other for years even though we just met
7. I want to call you to hang out but I know I will just have to deal with your bullshit all over again
8. You were my first love but not the last. Who knew my heart could heal after all that SHIT?!!
9. You try to perpetrate as a friend but your really just a maniacal bitch
10. Thank you for always being here for me (you're the bomb)

wedding talk

2006-05-24T11:48:00.001-05:00

from left to right: me, madre, brother, new sister in law, papi

Well, Saturday was my brothers wedding and it went off without a hitch (apart from that crazy cop who threatened to tow our limo when we went to take pictures at the Adler Planetarium - but that's another story all-together). What else can I say about the joyous day (which over 200 people attended) except that both the bride and groom were as happy as school kids in love. As for me, I have learned I have developed a LOVE-HATE relationship with standing up in weddings...especially big weddings.

Behold the top 5 pros and cons of standing up in a wedding
created by: dragonflypurity
Pros
1. You get the whole up close and personal experience with the happy couple: i.e. seeing the pre- chapel jitters, standing so close to them during the vows you can touch them, and traveling in style in the limo dammit !!!
2. You look damn hot, baby (so hot in fact the boyfriend can't keep his eyes and hands off you)
3. The traditional bridesmaid/groomsmen gifts you get as a thank you for everything
4. Experiencing the feeling of joy, hope, and excitement that only a wedding of someone you love can bring you
5. Did I mention the limo ?

Cons
1. A smile needs to be plastered on your face the whole time. In my experience, your cheeks will hurt and will need at least a full day to heal
2. All the damn pictures you need to take...due to the proximity of me & the happy couple, I know there are probably some scary looking pictures out there with me scowling, adjusting my bra area, or just plain looking crazy. Let's just hope they don't circulate the internet on snapfish or something. (Oh well)
3. Do to all the planning, running around, and other responsibilities of being in the wedding party, you really don't have time to actually ENJOY the wedding until it's extremely late at night. And by that time: you are so freakin' tired that your feet are throbbing & all you can think about is slipping into a nice hot bath then some comfy sweatpants
4. Not spending any time with the significant other you want to spend the rest of your life with - which, coincidentally, was not part of the wedding party
5. Between the compounded pain of wearing your shoes and/or dress for a good 18.5 hours AND the hangover you have the day afterward, you feel like somebody just kicked your @ss something fierce

did I miss anything ?!!

occurance of murphy's law?

2006-05-17T13:12:00.001-05:00

why is it every time I wash my car it rains within 12 hours of the actual car wash ?

it must be murphy's law at work...(sigh)

doin' the humpty dance

2006-05-17T10:52:00.000-05:00

I know it's only hump day, but to me, it's already Friday. I am leaving work early today and have tomorrow and Friday off to entertain family coming in from out of town for my brothers wedding - which takes place this Saturday! Four day weekend here I come ! And a busy weekend it will be: between entertaining family, being in the wedding, and my boyfriends shoulder surgery tomorrow, I have to help plan the rehearsal dinner AND do all last minute errands for the wedding that I have been putting off for weeks.

Aside from the stress of it all, the wedding has sparked something else in my heart: joy. I have never seen my brother so happy and alive as he is right now (which is saying a lot because my brother is an eternal optimist and is always smiling). I know Saturday when the vows take place I will surely shed a tear- the first of my tears to ever fall due to a wedding.

stayin busy...

2006-05-15T16:25:00.000-05:00

This was one of the most productive (and fun) weekends that I've had in a long time. In a period of 2.5 days, I have:

~ Brought the new Gnarls Barkley cd (it's HOT, so peep it)
~ worked on my house with the boyfriend: including rerouting electrical, patching up drywall, and painting (check)
~ Went partying Friday night (check)
~ Scrubed and washed the mutt, who got wall paint all over his little body (check)
~ Cleaned the house from end to end plus did laundry (double check)
~ Watched Mission Impossible 3 with the boyfriend (check)
~ Spent quality time with the family in celebration of Mothers Day (check)
~ Spent quality time with the boyfriend and mutt every available moment

ahh....life is good, ya'll !

tears which flow for no reason at all...

2006-05-11T19:25:00.001-05:00

There is no rhyme or reason to my tears
they come and fall at their own discretion
each entering the world from the corners of my eyes
only to die on the axis of my chin
each tear stands unique
finding pain and beauty in the intricacies
my soul has woven
each a subtle reminder of life

despite myself...
I still bear long forgotten baggage
it rolls over me in the form of tears
they roll down my face
inexplicably opening the floodgates of my soul
held inside for over 27 years

2006-05-11T16:35:00.001-05:00

"Big Brother isn't watching. He's singing and dancing. He's pulling rabbits out of a hat. Big Brother's busy holding your attention every moment you're awake. He's making sure you're always distracted. He's making sure you're fully absorbed." ~ Chuck Palahniuk

Have you read about how the U.S. government has been collecting data on the phone calls of TENS OF MILLIONS of Americans, including those calls made by American Citizens NOT suspected of terrorist activities? While I know that big brother spying on us shouldn't surprise me in the least bit, this news somehow blew my mind. It truly creeps me out that my private conversations with friends & family are no longer private. Whether I want to have phone sex, talk politics, or cry on the phone it's NONE OF THE GOVERNMENT'S DAMN BUSINESS!! Aren't there more important things to spend OUR PRECIOUS tax dollars on than spying on us and building a HUGE database to index it all ?

Another feeling I cannot repress is the anger for what our government is evolving into. Maybe "evolving into" is the wrong phrase to use, because in many people's eyes, it's been the same bullshit being shoveled to us for many years.

Any way you cut it, this mass indexing of american citizen calls is an unacceptable invasion of privacy laws AND blatant abuse of government power. It clearly violates the U.S. Communications Act which states that telephone companies are prohibited from giving out any information about their customers without a court order. Furthermore, this abuse of power totally disregards the 4th amendment!

What's next: microchipping my ass?!

stich n bitch

2006-05-05T20:01:00.001-05:00

the sleeve of a baby sweater created by me !

Recently, I took up knitting with a few gals from work. As our first project we are knitting a sweater for the baby of a coworker. I was in charge of the sleeve. what do you think ?

Who knew I could be domesticated ?!!

isn't mom due for that raise ?

2006-05-04T09:21:00.000-05:00

A ran into an interesting article yesterday, which ran just in time for mothers day.

A study conducted by salary.com took into account the top 10 roles a mother plays for her family, compromising of jobs like day care teacher, cook, janitor, driver, and even psychologist to figure out what a mother SHOULD get paid for all her hard work and dedication to her family. By inputting the amount of hours she puts in for each role and multiplying it by the average hourly wage for each, it was calculated that the average stay at home mother should be receiving a $134,121 per year for services rendered to her loved ones: a salary equivalent to an executive position! Now if she is a mom who holds down a job outside of the home, she would earn an extra $85,876 on top of what she already earns! In my opinion, my mother's value is so much more than even that: you just can't put a dollar value on everything she did, and continues to do for my familia. That being said, I thought the study was interesting, though it fails to show how that hard work continues long after the children get into college (in many cases, it never stops ya'll - just the type of work she does changes).

But if you want to take a closer look, check out Salary.com's mother calculator to check how much you and/or your mother SHOULD be getting paid!

And while you're at it, don't forget to get your mother something extra special next week to show her how much you appreciate everything she does! She deserves it and so much more!! Truth is: she has the hardest job in the world!

m.h.a.d. thoughts

2006-05-03T11:21:00.000-05:00

It should be a crime to have to work on beautiful days such as today. They should be declared as quai-holidays, allotted to employees like PTO or sick days - dubbed mental health and appreciation days (MHAD). Hee hee. Talk about having cabin fever. What can I say: it's just too gorgeous outside to be stuck in the office behind a computer from 9-5!!!!

remembering felipe

2006-05-01T16:07:00.001-05:00

happy b-day abuelito..

Today marks what would have been my grandpa's 77th birthday. And despite the fact he was a loner and we barely spoke more than an hour or so straight in my life, today I find myself thinking of him constantly.

As I said before, Felipe was a quiet man: he kept to himself and stood somewhat in the shadows when it came to family life. He was born and raised in Aguadilla, PUERTO RICO - a small fishing town located on the island's northwest corner and loved to drink and smoke (much like myself, I might add). He had 12 children with my grandma (I know they were freaky freaks) - of which mi madre is the eldest. From what I hear he was one hell of a salsa dancer. OH, and he LOVED baseball - he was forever a White Sox fan. I only wish he was around to cherish their championship last year. He would have just died (no pun intended). In any case, in 2001 he died of emphysema which progressed into lung cancer, which was due to smoking heavily for most of his life. I will never forget, despite the pain he endured with his illness, how he smoked cigarettes to his last day on earth.

It's sad that everything I ever knew about my grandpa could be summarized into one short paragraph. With that said, I shed a tear of sorrow with the revelation that I will never truly know the man my grandpa really was.

2006-04-28T15:00:00.001-05:00

Cartoon Source

Anyone else peeved that gas prices are steadily rising each day yet all the big oil companies profits are just through the roof ?!! Can you say PRICE GOUGING ?!!

discussed: [gas prices]

i love day's like these !

2006-04-27T12:12:00.000-05:00

a child's depiction of a soul...

The building here at work is swarming with muchkins: all meticulously sharpening their pencils, coloring on blank sheets of paper, and swirling round and round in our office chairs. Due to it being "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day", our office is full of the life and laughter only children can bring. My company takes this day very seriously, providing day long activities for them around campus intertwined with some time with actually seeing what the parent does for a living. It's actually very nice if you ask me!

I can recall many years ago, when my mom once took me to work with her in celebration of the more outdated "Take your Daughter to work day". I remember being fascinated by all the attention from her coworkers and how special I felt having been able to help my mom in everyday mundane tasks that bore me like all hell as an office dweller these days. It truly made me feel closer to my mom in a way I can't even explain. Thinking back, the memory will always stay fresh in my mind and I know if and when I do have children, you better believe they will come and celebrate the day with me just the way it was intended.

this world's a bubble

2006-04-25T12:56:00.000-05:00

With all these networking and reunion sites out there it seems the world has shrunk 10 times over. I recently compounded this "shrinkage" by opening up a myspace account last week. You type in all your information and, presto, suddenly there is a list of people which you "probably" know from previous schools attended or from your previous job.

I have to admit, it was kinda nice to see the faces of high school friends I haven't spoke to in 10 years. It was even nicer to email a few back and forth to bullshit and catch up. Though, it's too bad it can't block out those you want to forget, like ex boyfriend from hell and that conceited stuck up girl from back in the day. What's funnier to me is that some things just don't change. This is evident simply by the look of ms thang's profile (you know the ones with pics of her booty everywhere). Looks like the only thing that changed about her is her waist size. Not to say that I wish any one (not even the abovementioned asshole ex) bad in their life, I just rather not even think about all the long since past bullshit and drama.

Yet, I feel all the high school memories coming back to me the more I think about it all.

confessions

2006-04-21T16:32:00.000-05:00

1. Due to the horrible fact that each morning I walk my dog half asleep - straight out of bed - I tend to be pretty spaced out during our walks. Well, this morning I accidentally brought the wrong set of keys out with me, locking me out of my house. Picture me: locked out of my house at 6:45 a.m. in my pajamas, with my hair in a half-ass ponytail (because nobody wants to see my afro that early in the morning lemme tell you), with no cell phone...trying to crawl in through the window. Yeah, I know, it was incredibly stupid thing to do, but in afterthought, it was HILARIOUS !

2. I haven't cooked a hot meal in over a week. Please don't ask me what my diet has been consisting of, I might have to lie or plead the fifth.

3. Don't tell anyone, but I used the Crate and Barrel gift card my brother gave me for Christmas to buy his wedding gift online. C'mon now, times are harsh, what can I say ?!!

4. For the past two months I thought I blew out my subwoofer in the car, when all it was is that I somehow turned on a feature which deactivated my back speakers...opps! I'm glad I didn't take it into the shop. (I swear I went to college, I swear it!!)

discussed: [confessions]

the bookworm in me is applauding

2006-04-20T15:47:00.001-05:00

Guess what ? If you own a Chicago Public Library Card, you can now download audio books for free!! I just checked, and they currently have over 1300 books for immediate download, some which can even be burned to cd. For the next few months, don't be surprised to find me avidly "reading" in the car.

discussed: [library], [audio books]

enter stage...poetry

2006-04-14T15:26:00.001-05:00

Reversing the psyche of regret

Double bladed regret
Let me slip into your self pshyche
words and images unfold the untold
/thoughts so deep you did't even know they are there/
Instead you
Block it out
Foreshadowed in self doubt
you let them take advantage of your innocence...
of your heart...
set out from the start to impart lonliness onto your unknowing heart
But thats just the start
CUZ
this path you laid out
like tarot cards on the floor
and somewhere through this mess
you've come to expect
the regrets
so deeply set
in your mind
so take this time
make boundary lines ands define
what you are
And what you are not
double dot those i's
as you then watch your spirit soar high
grow dem wings you never knew you had inside
AND JUST FLY !!

Written by : dragonflypurity (time unknown : maybe 2004-2005)

tag, i'm it: [poetry]

summer state of mind

2006-04-14T10:29:00.000-05:00

It's definitely a good day! It's close to 80 degrees here in Chicago and the office is as quiet as a breeze. Plus, there's talk that management will let us out early in celebration to the Easter holiday. Whoo HOO!!

Good news: my sinus infection is in recession and I can finally breathe with somewhat ease today. It's funny how you take your health for granted until you are sick for long stretches at a time, isn't it ? Needless to say, I'm feeling like a million bucks. This morning I opened up all my windows in the car for the first time this year and sang at the top of my lungs to Mystic on the way to the office. (sidenote: does anyone, by chance, know what happened to her ? She hasn't made anything in a minute.)

Anyway, I am enjoying the weather more than words could possibly convey. Just feeling the sun on my face and the warmth in the air makes me reminiscent of summer vacation, bar-be-ques, and the scent of my mom's garden. To top things off, just last night I heard the ice cream truck make it's way down my block. :)

I hope you all are enjoying SPRING as much as I am.

tag, i'm it: [summer]

gigitty! giggity!

2006-04-13T14:22:00.001-05:00

I just found out they came out with a Family Guy monopoly game. Screw the bills, I gotta get my hands on this game!!

build it and they will (still) come...

2006-04-12T16:41:00.000-05:00

That phrase has stuck with me the last few weeks amongst all the talk about changing the illegal immigration policy in the U.S. Mainly, because in my mind, even if the U.S. constructs a Berlin proportioned wall between the borders between the U.S. and Mexico, people will still find their way in, whether it be through obtaining illegal paperwork or climbing and/or cannonballing themselves above it. This debate has really hit me hard, as it deals directly with my chicano brothers and sisters out there. While they may be illegal: they are undoubtedly an integral portion of the fabric of this society. Yet I am torn as a taxpayer to be forced to pay their debt to society. It truly is a strange feeling.

And above all the chatter of the media and heated debate among all of us with a voice, I know in my heart that the proposed policy changes will not work. Immigration will continue to be a daunting problem. I say this simply for many reasons, but most importantly, I say this because the policy changes do not deal with the root cause of the immigration problem: the economic crisis going on in Mexico. It's a simple fact: these people are fleeing their beloved country because of necessity and hope for a better life. They are so desperate that they risk life and limb to get here illegally. The proposed policy changes totally ignore this fact. What our government should be focusing on (instead of trying to put up a physical border) is to deal with the root issue of WHY they are coming here!!! And the solution is economically simple: Let's help Mexico become a more prosperous nation, allowing their poor and homeless a chance at survival and mere happiness. It can be as simple as giving U.S. companies tax breaks which open up shop there.

Last but not least, I must say that I'm sick and tired of people (and to a lesser extent: the media) quoting statistics stating that Mexican-Americans are more criminal, less intelligent, more lazy, and are a drain to our society as a whole. Believe it or not, it's true: if every single illegal immigrant was labeled a criminal and deported, we would truly fuck this country up in unimaginable ways. While undocumented workers are only about 5 percent of our overall labor force, they are between 22 and 36 percent of: America's insulation workers, miscellaneous agricultural workers, meat-processing workers, construction workers, dishwashers, and maids. The American Farm Bureau, the lobbying group for agricultural interests, says that without guest workers, the United States would lose $5 billion to $9 billion a year in fruit, vegetable, and flower production alone.

(source for figures in the last paragraph: "Undocumented workers contribute plenty" - The Boston Globe)

~^~@ Later post @~<~
Thinking about it some more, the most positive thing to come out of this whole ordeal is the fact that mi gente really came together peacefully and united. I'm proud to be Chicana!

Latinos unidos

image source

intoxicated love

2006-04-12T14:21:00.001-05:00

My man with a heart of gold
I stare into your eyes
I am....drowsy from meds
yet am not to far off the map

My heart take a step back to...
witness you in all your glory
My man w/ a heart of gold
Blind from love
Calling me beautiful despite a red nose and eyes

Laying beside you...
I've come to realize
You save me from myself
My man with a heart of gold
Mahal Kita...

scribed by dragonflypurity circa 04/12/06

2006-04-11T09:14:00.000-05:00

It's been beautiful outside for the past week here in Chicago. Unfortunately, I have not been able to enjoy much of it due to a nasty sinus infection which doesn't want to go away. I've been hopped up on antibiotics, Nyquil, DayQuil, and green tea laced with honey and lemon for so long I fear my body doesn't know how to function without them in my system. I'm going to have to go back to the doctor soon because all the meds don't seem to be doing much but getting the virus that found it's way into my body even madder.

my word cloud

2006-03-31T16:12:00.000-06:00

I stumbled across this nifty website which scans the words on your blog and makes a word collage of all the most used ones. Of course, they use this tool to get you to buy your own t-shirt sporting the collage (gotta love it).

You can even change some of the words and replace them with others that define you more, if you wish. As for me, I think mine was just fine.

Go check it out!!!

spring cleaning...

2006-03-26T20:41:00.001-06:00

Today I spent the entire day doing what every woman does when she's tense and in need of recentering and beginning a new life. I scrubbed, vacuumed, washed, and cleaned every inch of my house to a sparkly clean finish. In the process, I threw out 5 garbage bags full of junk and put together 2 huge boxes of clothes and books which I intend to donate. I sit back now and enjoy the scent of fresh bedsheets and my vanilla scented candle in the background...ahhh, what a wonderful feeling.

In other news, my asshole tenants are finally gone as of Friday night. I celebrated the occasion by consuming way too much alcohol. Another huge change on the horizon: Me & the boyfriend are planning to move in together. It's almost official (gasp). This is the greatest jump I think I've ever taken and I can't stop smiling.

Life is good!