Ok, ok, I didn't want to spill the beans just yet (lest I jinx it), but after almost 3 weeks of keeping it inside, I feel confident enough to come out with it...(AHEM).
Here it goes: I am officially a non-smoker (or a recovering smoker to be more exact). It's been a little over 2.5 weeks since I brought a pack, and while it is hard AS ALL HELL, somehow I am surviving. As some of you may know, I have tried quitting smoking about a dozen times in the last few years, and each time I failed miserably at it. But somehow, this time feels different - more finalized and purposeful. For starters: when I have a craving, it doesn't seem like the end of the world - I just take some deep breaths, sometimes swear a few times to myself, and just keep moving.
My weapons of choice: the patch, my ellipitical machine, things to busy up my mouth (gum, candy, pens, whatever), and surprisingly enough...music. While most people crave their smokes the most after eating or perhaps in the morning, I find that I have the hardest time coping in the car. During the commute I have to endure to and from work (one hour each way), I could easily go through 2 or 3 cigarettes each way...smoking in traffic jams helped calm me in ways I cannot even begin to explain. This is where I find myself the weakest. So much in fact, I am scared to even trust myself (just yet) to walk into a gas station to see all the cigarettes beckoning to me from behind the counter. I HAVE TO handle all my gas transactions from the pump. Anyway, back to the whole music thing. I find comfort in just blaring my music REALLY LOUD and singing at the top of my lungs. Being that I can't sing worth a lick, I am sure I have made more than one passerby in a car stuck beside me in traffic close their windows. It truly is a sight to be seen (and heard) I'm sure. Oh, well. The world will have to cope with my singing for a while longer until I can drive without the support system.
But i have to say that this withdrawal thing's a royal pain. Sometimes I'm moody, bitchy, angry, or sad...sometimes I just want to plain and simple: pull my own hair out. But, deep inside I know like anything else, it will pass. And, it does relatively quickly. In addition, the last week or so I have noticed a lot of things I like about not smoking too..my hair and clothes smell better, I don't feel so tired all the damn time, and most importantly, my boyfriend can actually enjoy kissing me now!
I'm not naive though. It's still not over yet. My mom, after being clean for over 20 years told me she still craves a smoke every once in a while. But, I have a lot of support from friends. And now, because of this post, family members (who I never even smoked in front of EVER) will know about it too...and I hope to God, that when they read this that they support me too and not give me lip about what I've been doing to my body for the last few years.
5 comments:
Good luck! I have been trying to quit for a year and for a while, I was doing all right. And then, I wasn't. But I know you can do it.
One thing that worked for me was toothpicks. You might want to give those a try, but be careful of the brightly colored ones; I've learned the hard way the blues tend to bleed.
Keep being strong... exercise will do wonders for you to feel healthier now that you are quitting. I have only tried ciggies but I can't stand the smell even though I used to love hanging out in bars in college. Your clothes and house will thank you!
You rock. I know you have been working hard to keep the smokes at bay. It's well worth it.
And, yeah...the savings are something else, especially when you consider $7.00 a pack in the city.
Keep drinking tea, blogging and hit me up on Yahoo when you need to keep your mind away from smokes. =)
good luck drangonfly. i'm rooting for you. i've been trying to talk my mother into quitting but she is not ready. i took up the habit briefly in college, to relieve the stress of class loads and a bonk relationship. i still get cravings if i'm in a bar and drinking a beer--so i stick to mixed drinks and wine instead. ;) keep in mind that it takes an extra load of willpower as there are so many chemicals added in them little suckers to keep you hooked. but the power of the mind and one's will is bigger.
Tanks for all the support, ya'll. It means alot to me! I will keep you updated on my progress (keeping my fingers crossed).
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