word of the day: uncentered

Today is a day marked with scattered thoughts running through my brain, all trying to catch up to my fingers which struggle to type so fast this early in the morning.

I'm in yet another bout of depression. I'm in the process of evicting one of my tenants for non payment of rent. Throughout this whole process, I have a swarm of emotions which have taken over. I feel angry, heartbroken, flat-out broke, and even evil -throwing a young couple expecting their first child out onto the streets. I am a very reasonable woman, but this being a landlord thing is so much harder than I could have ever imagined.

Furthermore, tomorrow marks the third anniversary of the war in Iraq. A full 1095 days and almost $250,000,000,000 American dollars later...and sadly, the condition in Iraq is even worse than it was before our troops set foot on their desert ground. Tomorrow there will be an anti-war rally and march on Chicago's Michigan Ave which I am seriously thinking about dragging my boyfriend to.

With all this talk about life's purpose on Oso's and Amadeo's blogs, I have begun once more to mull over the meaning and purpose of my own existence. I have been on this earth almost 28 years and still - have no real idea of who I am. There are times which I look in the mirror and find nothing but love and appreciation for all my little intricacies, yet 10 minutes later I am face up against the wall wishing and hoping to be that stronger, more centered individual I know I can be. After a full 12 years of being in the workforce, I have never held a job where I actually woke up (most) mornings and was delighted to start the day and go to work. One thing's for certain, I have passion for those who I love and (most) days I have a passion for life. Today, though, I sit in my cube confused, sad, and questioning "could there be more?"