time...

"What very mysterious things days were. Sometimes they fly by, and other times they seem to last forever, yet they are all exactly twenty-four hours. " ~ Melanie Benjamin, Alice I Have Been, 2010 ~

Looking back on the past few years of life, this quote rings so true...so much time has passed since I have opened up my beloved blog to write. Truth be told, It seems like a lifetime ago. Since then, I have gotten married to my best friend, traveled the world (including a 3 week backpacking trip through Europe), finished writing my thesis, graduated from grad school, and have gone through countless ups and downs of life.

The last few years of life have been hectic, yet I feel myself stopping and making it a point to slow down a bit. Amongst the to-do lists, I find myself enjoying the small things in life more, like a beer on the deck with my hubby as the sun sets, singing off-beat in the car at the top of my lungs just because, and "forgetting" my cell at home as I aimlessly walk the dog until we are both good and tired.

On the flip side, as I type I feel a bit torn when it comes to time. Now that grad school is officially behind me and work has substantially slowed down for the season, I find myself with more free time than I know what to do with. In comes more books (this time for pleasure reading), countless knitting projects, and journaling...as I type I have 3 windows up, each rimming with possible ways to fill in the gaps. First up to bat: volunteering at a no-kill animal shelter, taking a photography class, enlisting in a yoga training program.

So I ask myself and the the world "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!!??" Up into recently, I would have headbutted and drop kicked someone to get just a taste of some of peace of mind and relaxation. Yet, here I am, receiving all the R&R that I so desperately wanted, and yet, I am on the prowl to just fill up my schedule all over again.

As I review this post, I realize I am blessed beyond my comprehension. I should be thrilled that with all the pain and the sorrow in the world, being bored or too busy to smell the roses is the biggest problem I have...and yet as I look as the blinking cursor in front of me, I feel empty.