blissful announcement

I am now officially engaged to my best friend...

:}

I stand before you
Unsure of life
Unsure of me
Unsure of love
I question you
With heart and soul and mind
"there's only you" you utter in reply
But fading glimmers
In shifty eyes
Tell me otherwise...

mistaken identity

How can this be ?
The one whose
other half completes me
the one who
I hold nothing back for

How is it that this man
is so oblivious to everything I stand for?
How is that my love
So strong, so pure
In no case is it demure
Goes by undetected?

My love...
just to see you smile
my heart leaps bounds
around my soul
knowing I have found
the true meaning of happiness
wrapped in your kiss

Yet still...
How can this be?
Can't you see me
Arms open
Heart aflame
Waiting for you?!

Your minds eye plays tricks
Sabotaging our love
Evaporating words spoken so truly
Turning them to dust

How can this be?
A case of mistaken identity
You think you see through me
But mistake me for someone else
Perhaps from your past
Or perhaps for yourself
And in the process...
You’re crucifying our love
Which stands tall through it all
But baby, it's battered

Now, how can you think your thoughts do not matter ?
Saying this like its everyday conversation
That's what hurts me the most
Shattering my hopes
of this divine love which I found in you

So to you I implore
how do you think we can just ignore
these feelings and still push forth?
Just tell me...
How can we achieve true happiness
When these thoughts of doubt are splattered
On our souls?
Forming a cloud around each kiss
Denying ourselves true happiness?

These feelings can no longer be denied
Open your eyes
And...
See past your fears
Know in your heart
I will be by your side for many years

I love you in soo many ways
Words cannot convey
These feelings
So deep
I get beside myself just thinking about you

You are my air
You are my life
For our love I will forever fight
Otherwise,
My life just wouldn't seem right

Maybe one day you will see
Just how much our love means to me
Til that day
I will pray
that you will look my way
And see LOVE.

Mike....

In love...
I take you in
With eyes and heart aflame
Your essence
Engulfs me
We are one and the same
In love...

intoxicated love

My man with a heart of gold
I stare into your eyes
I am....drowsy from meds
yet am not to far off the map

My heart take a step back to...
witness you in all your glory
My man w/ a heart of gold
Blind from love
Calling me beautiful despite a red nose and eyes

Laying beside you...
I've come to realize
You save me from myself
My man with a heart of gold
Mahal Kita...

scribed by dragonflypurity circa 04/12/06

spring cleaning...

Today I spent the entire day doing what every woman does when she's tense and in need of recentering and beginning a new life. I scrubbed, vacuumed, washed, and cleaned every inch of my house to a sparkly clean finish. In the process, I threw out 5 garbage bags full of junk and put together 2 huge boxes of clothes and books which I intend to donate. I sit back now and enjoy the scent of fresh bedsheets and my vanilla scented candle in the background...ahhh, what a wonderful feeling.

In other news, my asshole tenants are finally gone as of Friday night. I celebrated the occasion by consuming way too much alcohol. Another huge change on the horizon: Me & the boyfriend are planning to move in together. It's almost official (gasp). This is the greatest jump I think I've ever taken and I can't stop smiling.

Life is good!

the silent treatment

I dream of revealing my soul to you
the center of it all
my black and blue heart
the result of...silence

I can't deny it
Though my heart wants to fight it
Silence speaks volumes over words
And I find myself speechless

I fear even if words did come
No matter how discrete
They'd form concrete
Somehow holding us down

But...
What if I did tell you
My dreams and fears
Finally reveal myself to you after all these years
Will my words of truth
fall on deaf ears?
Or will you ignore it
Thinking I got lit and I'm just giving you lip
Chalking it up to more of my crazy shit ?

I sometimes wonder
Can you feel my silence engulf you as we become one?
Long after its said and done...
Do you look at me and wonder what's become...of us
Do you know
I dream of painting you my world?
Taking you on the grand tour
Yet I wake up to find yet again
silence reigns supreme
Somehow I'm frozen
Beside myself...in love

These unspoken words
Have spoke dimensions more than the words themselves
leaving me sad & lonely
feeling somewhat phony
with you at my side

the biggest turn on

I don't claim to know all the tricks to keeping the flame going in the bedroom, but I can say reminding your mate how beautiful (or sexy) how they are when your in the midst of loving is a GREAT start...

enough said

i'm singing the blues...

My honey left only this morning on a business trip and I miss him so much already. He went to New York and is not set to come back until the 21st of this month!!

I hope the time goes by fast til I see him again, but I have a feeling this is going to be the longest 10 days of my life...

Cheesy I know. But, he truly is my better half and I feel so lost without his arms around me...

every once in a while he just blows me away...

Friday, after a 12 hour workday, I come home to find my dog walked and fed, a delectable dinner cooking, a dozen red roses, and a warm bath drawn WITH my favorite bath salts in it!!

Have I said how wonderful my bf Mike is? I feel like a queen. (sigh)

has anyone ever tried...

french eggo waffles? In essence, it's a toasted eggo waffle dipped in french toast coating, and pan fried like a french toast. Topped with warmed up maple syrup and a lil powdered sugar, I must say, it was delicious.

The bf lovingly made me some this morning. It was so unique and delicious, I wanted to take a picture of it to show you all. But, sorry..temptation was so strong....I ate it!!

mi gordito...

my little gordito...ain't he cute?

Everyone who knows me, knows I LOVE ANIMALS...especailly dogs. BUT, Because of a deprived childhood, I have never had the joy of owning one. Therefore, I plan on adopting one as soon as I move into my house. LOoking around, I found a cutie named Gordo (meaning 'chubby' in spanish). Just one look into his eyes and my heart went soft. This weekend, if and when I close, I am going to visit and adopt this hybrid chow chow named Gordo. He's about 12 weeks old and already potty trained. Plus, just like me, he got some junk in the trunk!!! Ain't he just the cutest?

look at the ba dunk-a-dunk on that puppy :O 

my tongue speaks thankfulness

Today is FRIDAY and the word and mood of the day is definitely that of thankfulness. Within the last month or so I have found more and more reasons to be thankful for my existence. Everything is truly going my way and I am currently basking in the glow of it all like I just got the best sex ever imaginable. Wait, scratch that...its better than sex. Within a week, I will close on my new house and have a new job (i.e. starting a career that I have always dreamed of). Plus, I have a wondrous support system of friends & family to help me out along the way. Even though they can't always be there for me (I mean who can?), they always knows what to say and when to say it. I am on cloud nine, ya'll and I hope and pray that you all are having as great a month as I am. I am sending positive energy out to everyone !

In other news, my love life has been fantastic. :) Just yesterday, my man left a single rose on my windshield as a pleasant reminder of him on my way to work (talk about puting on the charms huh?). Plus, we just celebrated our 2 year anniversary this past Saturday. It's been 2 kick ass years since I asked him to be mine. It's a long story on how and why 'we' happened after being friends for so long, as me & him have a past that spans almost 10 years. I mean, he was my chemistry partner in high school (go figure we had a little chemistry going on outside class as well). Needless to say, our story has many twists and turns full of jealous exes, drama, and bittersweet kisses that undoubtedly could become a book if I ever decided to write it all down. But, again, I digress. That’s another story set for another time and you probably would have to buy me a few drinks to get the whole scoop on that. hee hee.

Well, I must get back to work. I have to interview a few people for my position later and still have to get lunch before it all. Peace & love to everyone.

waking up in his arms

waking up in his arms
i feel
the biggest joy
his arms embracing me
a gentle reminder
of love
heavenly perfection
asleep at my side
I stare like a child with
sugar coated eyes and smile and soul
knowing that when
we arise together
arms intertwined
that it will be
all that I dreamed
while asleep in his embrace
love is love
and his arms are my home

Copyright of dragonflypurity

i want to be inspired

Its national poetry month and man, I haven't been able to write a decent poem for about a month now. It sucks ass !! I am stuck in the middle (ok..hopefully the end) of a serious writers block. Everytime I try writing, passionless jibberish comes out and I end up scraping it all out (even the stuff I wrote when I was a little under the influence, which usually hightens my writing). I tried logging in to Def Poetry Jam for some inspiration from fellow poets, but all I seem to find is boring haikus or some shit. So, I started digging through the vaults of my old poems in hopes of sparking some kind of writing, and I was feeling like one hell of a mediocre poet until I came across this one I wrote in Decemeber in the heat of an almost breakup with my hon...here it goes. I hope you enjoy.

HEALING PAIN
December 15, 2003

Fleeting moments and shifty eyes
tell me more than 1/2 spoken lies
Rivers of pain run through my veins
Reminiscent of the broken heart you gave
I'm a slave of circumstance
And have no place to rest my weary head

Instead, I write
Take flight in the solstice of words
Visions of my soul taking flight like a bird
Able to see the world (even for a brief second)
through my 3rd eye of self discovery
And what I see is flowers and trees
Birds singing in harmony
Speaking from their hearts like me on this page
No longer in a rage…but at peace

Oh, yes...my heart has felt its share of grief
But like a leaf, I have overturned
No longer burned like hair singed from a bad perm
You live and you learn
Only through life’s lessons will you find true happiness

Despite the pain you have caused, I love you for all your flaws
These make you human
I can forgive you for your mistakes
These I can't player hate, unmake, or sit with you and debate about my heartache
What I can't forgive is your total disregard of my feelings
While I gave you my heart for safekeeping
But...there will be no more weeping for these tired eyes
Cuz, instead I have decided to take flight inside myself
recreate the love I had for you
My heart no longer black and blue
Attempting from now on
TO LOVE MYSELF AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU...

Bittersweet

Exposed
I lay before you
on a lazy sunday afternoon
While becoming one
Tears fall down cheeks
like...
Raw emotions running for love
Double Edged Sword
Candy Coated
Dripping between my thighs
Your eyes meet mine
Pain is lifted
YET IS...
Resurfacing between your soul & mine...
Just long enough for my tears to fall again

Pondering Love Sucks Ass

Why are relationships are so hard? It seems you give it all you got and yet still end up hurt. I know its just inevitable to hurt the one you love, as the old saying goes "you always hurt the ones you love"...but truthfully who else are you going to hurt? Some guy walking down the street? Of course not. I know I'm just blabbering but it's just I am so confused (there has ben some major drama in my life as of late). Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about what love really means to me, and what it really is to be in love, what boundaries I want to have with my man, and most of all...where do I start with all this past pain. Truthfully, I think that love can be sooo simple. It's people (mostly their problems, baggage, and fears) that make love so complicated.

So amidst all this thinking, the only thing I realize I want from a man (other than utter mindblowing sex of course) is that I just want to be truly accepted for who I am. One thing that I have realized from my past (and present) relationships with men (as well as my friends in general) is that people have this IDEA...a fantasy really, of what their ideal man/woman is. We contstantly strive for this person, hoping one day to find someone which possibly could be all that and a bag of chips...just like in our dreams. You meet someone who is great, fall in love, and things are grand. Mentally, all is right with the world. Til you realize that the significant other is NOt at all like your fantasies. He/she does things (or deosnt do things) which your ideal mate would never dream of doing. Maybe they have some similarities...but there is always something that you would like changed. So you try, starting this crazy and unhealthy cycle of attempting to mold someone you love very much into something you ultimately are not, just so they could fit your dreams. And everyone does it or at least has done it before in the past. Just think of all the great relationships that got squashed because someone didnt particularly like their mates...oh say lack in working out, or the fact that when they drink they smoke, or that they spend a lil too much of their own money in a way which you think is silly. WHY do we try to change others? Push their ideas, standards, and desires on people who just want to be themselves? I know that every man I ever dated wanted to change me in some way. Some did not like that I smoked, others didn't like the fact I had a lot of male friends, others did not like the fact I was so vulgar and open when people got me really upset. I'm so tired of being with people that want me to be their dreams. I'm so tired of trying to change (unconsciously) for people who don't even see me for me, but as some dillusional version of their unconsciousness which has manifested since their childhood. I realize I must do that too, in some shape or form. So, I am making a pact to accept people for who they are, for better or worse, despite my feelings or lack of feelings of their actions or thoughts.

The frosting on the cake (and what really spurred all this thinking in my head) is a list my friend emailed me of 10 ways to marry the wrong person. Ironically, #1 on the list was:

You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married...for the worst!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

These words ring truer than pretty much anything I ever read in my life. If you can't deal with how the person is before the marriage, how can a relationship survive after? What's the point in trying to change people? It always backfires into a torment of pain, anger & guilt. Its so unhealthy. I have so much to think about its crazy. Til then...a poem written by me...so respect my work & don't try to steal it please (or my puerto rican will come out and reign supreme on you)

I am not the vision you had resurrected through time
Stored inside your mind
Hoping to find
In me
Trying to mold me into your perfection
Maybe one day you will see
I cannot be what you want
I can only be me

PAZ