the official I'm getting old post

It's official...I am getting old. After 2 months of back pain, I recently found out I have a herniated disk in my lumbar region (it was a hell of a birthday present to find this out, lemme tell you that!). For the past few weeks I have been going to physical therapy two times a week to try to mend my back issues but, alas, this dreaded pain doesn't cease. It doesn't help that my commute to and from work is a whopping 2 hours and that my job requires extensive amount of sitting behind a desk. I found that these are possibly the worst things I could be doing, as they exert even more pressure on my poor slipped disk. I sit here at work both mentally and physically exhausted...feeling something which seems to be a recurring theme in my life: I FEEL LIKE A VIEJITA.

Another reason I have been feeling old lately: a number of my little cousins - all which I helped diaper as babies- are starting to move out of their parent's houses, have their own children, get married, are starting careers, and going to college. They are no longer little people causing havoc and running around during family functions. Now they are just causing havoc in their own lives. It is clearly evident that everything's changed and my family - which was once was so tight - has fallen apart at the seams . Back in the days, our family get-togethers had well over 50 people in attendance...but, nowadays they run a measly 15 to 20 people deep. It seems everybody, especially all my "newly grown" cousins, are way too busy with their own problems to sort through, errands to run, or knee deep in "relationships" that are more important than hanging out with the fam. It wouldn't even be so bad if they were trying to do well in life. It's quite the opposite. A lot of them are starting to hang "out on the block", some are in destructive relationships with people who continually slam them through the sewer, and yet others are having babies when they themselves aren't grown. And it's so sad. I try to be supportive, and be there as much as I can for them. Yet, nothing I say or do seems to make any difference to them and while I know we each have to deal with the consequences to our own actions, I just wish I could somehow bring the feeling of family back. Somehow, I think that would make all the difference in the world. I can't help but think if our abuelitos were still around, things would be so different...