frida kahlo remembered

I have appreciated her art for over 10 years and have visited various galleries to see her works in person without really knowing why I loved her imagery so much. But, recently, while flipping through one of my Frida Kahlo books, I now understand why I feel such a strong kinship with her: we both know and are deeply affected by the feeling of lonliness.

no where to hide

We wear a 1000 faces of pretense
hoping the lens of others cant penetrate to the core
Yet there are no disguises for thyself
No masks to wear to subdue self reflecting the meaning
Of your very own soul
And I am no exception
My heart beats drums of
3rd eye popping virginity
strumming life
Since conception
I was destined for that clarified moment of peace
And
For the first time
I am not blind
I can look at myself and be proud
Though
I can’t recall
The exact second
That I knew true meaning of me
Because I discarded old masks
I can stare at the mirror
Of my mental
And know who’s staring back at me

Copyright by Dragonflypurity

at least its friday

I apologize in advance for this post, as it is pretty much one big whine.

But, truthfully, do you ever feel like your life is a series of leftover dinners? Every day consists of the same essence, and one day what once was splendid and enjoyable suddenly becomes nauseously sickening. After a while, it’s like...suddenly you can't take any more of it in any quantity. Kinda like my moms Spaghetti and meatballs. She is famous for them and everyone who has tried them always asks for seconds; therefore, she is sure to make a big pot of it whenever she cooks it. BUT, because there is soo much, there is always at least a day or two of leftovers. Its all fine and dandy for the first, say 15 times, but after that its like if I even smell the sauce or anything, I just wanna puke.



Well, thats how I'm feeling today...like my life has become a never-ending series of my moms left over spaghetti and meatballs. Not to sound all negative because there are a lot of positive things in my life, like my new house and my sweet boyfriend who tries to deal with my mood swings and stubbornness with a finesse.

Its definitely a time of change for me in many ways, but there is something integral that is missing. SO the question is how do I get rid of this feeling? How do I change the menu of my life to reflect what I really want and yearn for more than anything else: happiness? I guess its just something inside of me that I need to rectify for myself. Nothing and no one can do it for me. Because I am a complex individual by most means, there are tons of little things I know I have to work on; spiritually, professionally, and personally.

I just need to commit to it and tackle one aspect of my life at a time. It’s about time to throw out my leftovers and plan on cooking up something new and exciting. Wish me luck.

a momentary stress break

The song "Stressed out" by Tribe Called Quest seems to be my theme song nowadays. SO much that for the last few weeks, I have a nagging tension on the entire left side of my shoulder and neck. I have a doctors appt to get it looked into. Til then, I am trying to stay grounded and not let life get me by the 'balls'. Just for this momentary stress break, I am sipping on Mikes Hard Lemonade, which I actually despise and consider piss water, but considering my condition, I will take whatever alcoholic beverage is available.

Of course, most of my stress is coming from the purchase of my soon to be home. I'm so tired of thinking about the house and will be thankful when the closing date is over with (I'm still shooting for July 16th, so I am keeping my fingers crossed). In the meanwhile, between talking on the phone with my realtor, attorney, and broker, I think I have used all my cellular minutes within the last few days. Right now, I am trying to get a credit from the seller for the roofs, which need to be replaced badly. The house was sold in as in condition and I knew it needed some work, but I didn’t think the roof needed attention so soon. I just found out last night during the house inspection (thank god for those things). I wouldn't even mind taking a little more out from the bank to cover some of the costs, but there are some questions on the appraisal amount and getting a loan for that much above the purchase price. It shall be the war of the lawyers to get this straightened out.

Buying a house is a big pain in the ass lemme tell you. But, I know when it's all said and done, I will be pretty much the happiest woman alive. :)

the Puerto Rican festival

Mural on California & Division - Chicago

The festival and concert last night was wonderful. I was having such a good time, I didn't take as many pics as I would have liked. BUT...this pic of the mural was worth lugging around my camera all night for. Matter of fact, it's the only spectacular picture I took at the fest. It was taken while we were walking back to the car. I walked past this and couldn't help but take a snap shot. This Aleks Perve cat really has talent, don't ya think?

On new home news, the contracts were finally signed this morning. And, the house inspection is this coming Wednesday. My parents and brother will come see it then. Hopefully, everything goes smoothly.

YEAH!! EVERYTHING IS OFFICIAL.

let the celebration continue...

I feel so blessed as of late (with the new house, new office, and soon to come raise). Things in all aspects of my life have suddenly and drastically taken a turn for the best. Who would have known last week when I was knee deep in my own tears - that there were so many good things in store for me to replace all the negative and sadness that filled me? I guess what my mom says is true: all things work out in the end, one way or another. Thankfully, for me, my tears are over (at least for a while). I will enjoy this dry spell and relish all the things in life that I have been blessed with. I mean, really, I am wearing a smile like 10 times the size of my face today.

SO to celebrate my recent explosion of positivity, last night me & my honey went out for a few drinks at a really romantic tiki bar called Hala Kahiki. Even though we didn't stay long because we were tired and had to go to work this morning, it was a really nice touch. AND, tonight I am looking forward to seeing Brenda K. Starr perform at this years Puerto Rican Festival with a few of my cousins. It should be a night to remember. Hopefully, it doesn’t rain because its an out door concert.

the new house

what words
have smashed against
these walls,
crashed up and down these halls, lain mute and then drained
their meanings out and into
these floors?

What feelings, long since
dead,
streamed vague yearnings
below this ceiling
light?
In some dimension
which I cannot know,
the shadows of
another still exists. I bring my
memories, held too long in check,
to let them here shoulder
space and place to be.

And when I leave to
find another house,
I wonder, what among
these shades will be
left of me.

- Maya Angelou -