the saddest thing...

I have just realized that the saddest thing in the whole world to me is looking into your lovers eyes and seeing them falling out of love with you right before your eyes. Even if it is just for a split second, a smile and hug cannot hide that one fact. It is something I cannot forget.

Thank god its friday!

Thank god this week is almost over. I have been waiting for this weekend for weeks. My girl Rachel is coming back home to visit from Cali and I am going to drink and dance the night away in celebration starting tonight! The only bad thing is that tomorrow morning I have a practice GRE test at Depaul. I hope I can ace it with a hangover. Hee Hee. Maybe I am not taking the prospect of Graduate school as seriously as I should? I did however, buy 2 GRE books on half.com relatively cheap (with the cds still in them) but between my 3 bouts of the flu since the new year, working, and being lazy I really haven't cracked them open. I need to get on my shit...starting tomorrow. Ok. Ok. Starting Monday because (as I said earlier) this weekend is going to be spent partying. :)

On another note, who knew Diarrhea could actually prevent colon cancer?. Hmmm...Even after reading the article, I still doubt that its true. There is always new studies, yet half of the health studies are inaccurate, biased, and funded by companies with ulterior motives behind the study. There also is a new cancer fighting drug the FDA approved. Silly Question: why don't we just give those colon cancer patients some extra triple dark chocolate surprise deserts to get their colons working again so they can have diarrhea and fight it naturally to actually see if the study is really true? hmmm...

it's a time of change...

I have a feeling that the next decade or so is going to be a series of really fucked up situations, with great unrest for a great number of people...Unless we make a change as a country. Being biased (as I am) against Bush, I think its fairly obvious to everyone by now that he has a brain of a pygmy marmoset (see 3rd to the last entry if you don't know what that is). I really believe instead of trying to penalize the gay community for wanting to marry eachother, I think he should focus on whats happening to the economy of our country. Our employment rate keeps falling yet I don't see less people out of the unemployment lines..only more massive layoffs from companies that don't even give their employees decent severance. Not many people know the reason the unemployment rate is supposedly going down is that it doesnt take into consideration the people whom are unemployed for more than a few months. Instead it subtracts them, I suppose, on the basis that they are not "actively" trying to find employment

Bush should also look into ensuring that our Social security benefits won't be squashed. Instead of spending so frivolously on space shuttles and more military expenses, he should worry about what we SO DESPERATLEY need. I literally feel like hes screwing me, my future children, and ESPECIALLY MY PARENTS Since Baby Boomers will begin to retire in the next few years, they will be wanting their social security benefits as they were promised for so many years. Because of Bush's "budgeting blunders" they might not get those benefits. America simply won't be able to afford it. We will still be paying off that missile we sent to Iraq to destroy their weapons of mass destruction (gasp!).

We seriously need to fire this guy.

is anyone else really feeling Joss Stone ?

Amidst sleeping off my flu, I was watching a lot of Mtv 2. I saw her rendition of Whites Stripes "Fell in Love With a Girl" and was floored ! This girl has TaLeNt!! She can sing her ass off! And with the help of ?eustlove from The Roots and backup by Angie Stone, her new cd is one of the best of the year! I just want to know when, and if she is coming to Chicago to do a show? She kinda reminds me of Alicia Keys/Norah Jones. The cd is called "The Soul Sessions" . Check it out and be amazed!

more on quizno's freaky ad...

While logging onto MSN messenger, I found an article which actually (partially) describes what the hell those rodent looking things on the quiznos commercial really are and more importantly, where they came fucken came from. Evidently, these creepy characters came from a man named Joel Veitch, who makes television shows for the BBC. They were displayed on a clip on his website (dubbed spongmonkeys), and sent to an advertising exec. for quiznos, which thought it would be awesome for thier next commercial. The article suggests that the base element of these spongmonkeys are Pygmy Marmosets. I think NOT! Pygmy Marmosets are actually cute. And these things? I think they are crack addicted gerbils from inbred parents. I do however, (being the marketing slacker I am today), say that Quizno's accomplished what they intended to do, and that was spark conversation and increase brand awareness. I mean anyone who's seen that commercial will undoubtedly remember it. Anyway, I thought the article was interesting and even included a link for those who don't know what Pygmy Marmosets are. Enjoy!

The Creatures From the Sandwich Shop - Behind the singing rodents in the Quiznos ad
what are Pygmy Marmosets?

is a turtle without a shell homeless or naked?

Hmm...Really. I wonder would it be homeless or just simply butt naked? After pondering that thought, me & my yahoo chat buddies couldn't decide either. Actually, the more I think about the more I lean more towards dead. I mean, its not like a hermit crab, which simply get a new shell to live in as they grow or damage their old shell. It is actually connected to the turtles skin. Does anybody actually know the answer to this? I would be curious to find out though. Maybe one day I will actually research it to find out. Its really one of those things that make you go "hmmm".

On another note, I just won a brand new pair of sexy ass Gloria Chen boots on eBay for $51!! It is my splurge for the month. I can't wait to get them so I can sport them on an outting with my honey. Hee hee. I am a shoe freak! I love to go shopping for shoes and nothing really makes me happier (other than maybe mindblowing sex) than getting a good deal on some shoes. Its one of the only feminine thing I actually do. I don't wear lots of make up, only tinted lip glosses and bronzer at times. I absolutely despise nylons (actually I curse the person who invented those atrocious things!!).

Anyway, Im actually recovering from a cold. Unfortunately, I was unable to enjoy the pleasant Chicago weather all weekend because I was bed/ sofa ridden. I need to take my Nyquil and get some zzzz's. PAZ.

Daily Rant: Are all people on yahoo crazy ?

I have been chatting on yahoo for about 2 years and from that two years, I have met wierdos, freaks, crazy mutherfuckers, and dumb asses galore. Even though theres a handful of people I do chat with a few times a week, most of the people I chat with are crazy!! I've had men offer me hundreds of dollars for a pair of my used undies (don't ask), I've had women offer me no strings sex, and most of all, there were tons of creepy ass stalker like people who wouldn't leave me alone. I had to block them. Its just crazy!!! Why do I attract all the freaks? I just want some intelligent conversation, a few laughs. Is that too much to ask?

I'm reading too many books...

I have always loved to read and write so over the years I have accumulated quite a collection of books. Looking around my cluttered room, I have to admit I'm a book packrack. I have soo many books, I actually have them in storage..boxes and boxes of everything from my old literature, psychology, and Business Law Book to self help, fiction & poetry. Half of them I have read through, another quarter I skimmed through (i.e. business law), and the last I have yet to read but plan to one day...But I do try to put them to good use. Usually, I can be reading as many as 4 books at one time. Not that my nose is always stuck in a book. I go through periods of reading massive quantities and others where it may take me 3 months to finish one.

Right now, I'm going through a slow period. I'm have been reading East of Eden since two weeks before Christmas. Not that the book isn't great, it just takes more energy tp absorb what is actually happenening.Plus, I hate that bitch Kate!!! Everytime she is described, I felt my skin crawl. However, thanks to my concurrent readings, I just finished "Running with scissors: A Memoir". It actually was pretty good and proved to be an easy and amusing read. I couldn't keep my nose out of it because I just wanted to know what other crazy shit these characters were going to get into. I really got a kick out of the bible dips. Whenever they had a pondering question (or even stupid ones like "Should I eat Mcdonalds or Burger King?) they would pull open a bible and point at a part in the bible. Then they would read it and decipher it. Anyway, I recommend it to anyone looking for a pleasant read.

what's with commercials nowadays?

Is it me or are commercials getting more stupid, obnoxious, and downright creepy nowadays? That Arbys commercials with that damn oven mitt..."AU JUICE...AUUU JUICE"...Oh my god kill me now. And Fran (from the Nanny) in those Old Navy commercials talking about "For Shizzel my nizzel". What the hell is that? BUT, by FAR THE WORST commercial has to be the new quiznos commercial, with only what I can call rat looking creepy looking things singing off tune songs about how they love quiznos subs. It took me about 2 or 3 times viewing to stop from staring at their teeth...UGGGHHHH. Their site even proudly displays a link to let you check out their freak of a commercial on the net too...freaky quiznos commercial All I can do to survive this onslaught is just block it all out. Do my fellow marketers actually think the average consumer at large is that retarded? I feel like these commercials were designed for the mentally challenged. Seriously, our brains are turning to mush with this crap.

yet another reason bush should be beat down

Bush is such an ass. I don't know why I even read articles with him his name even in it. He never ceases to raise my blood pressure and piss me off. Now he has waged a war of sorts with the gay and lesbian community, citing that "I strongly believe marriage should be defined as between a man and a woman," and "I am troubled by activist judges who are defining marriage." Of couse he is talking about how San Francisco & Massachusetts are warming up to the idea of gay marriage (It's about time someone did).

Anyways, back to BUSH...and his little dick...hee hee..I read what he said & all I could think of was "What a crock of shit...not wanting judges to define marriage" As if he is not pushing his own ideals and beliefs to try define what marriage should be for millions of other people. Instead, he wants to pass laws making these people (who have been denied so many things because of their sexual orientation i.e. health benefits for their partner, no formal process to state their undying love for one another, etc) feel like their love isn't worth celebrating. The way I figure it, I think marriage is a right, not a privledge. All I know if I was into females (which I am not..I'm strictly into PENIS), and I found a woman that made me feel like I was complete, I would be damned if the president, some judge, or even a priest told me I could not marry this person. Its just another form of discrimation that has been added on the list right beside racism and sexism...and its sickening. I hope that the Massachusetts and S.F. rulings help foster new hopes for gay and lesbians in every city and state...And that Bush gets booted this November...

President 'troubled' by San Francisco's gay marriages

What is the soul?

I came across this interesting discussion about what the soul really represents/ the spiritual formation of the soul. Is it something we have, or is something we are? Personally, I think the soul is something we are...our energy source & reason for existence. What do you think? Check out the discussion
Spiritual Formation

Ever read ur horoscope & it's like a mirror ?

~ My Horoscope for 2/16/04 ~

"Intellectually, you know the answers to everything, but when it comes to actually putting things into motion, you may be hesitant to take that first step. It may seem as if you are on a high platform staring down into a pool of water below. Rationally, you know that the pool is deep enough and that you will be fine once you jump, but before you do, the anticipation is excruciating."

I don't know if I really believe in the whole astrology thing (as if the alignment of the stars actually come together to draw out my fate), but sometimes when I read my horoscope, it seems to just personify my life so accurately. There are so many things that I want to do with my life. I have so many ideas that I want to explore, career paths that JUST MIGHT make me happy, Yet I procrastinate my ass off. For example, I have been saving to buy a house (actually a 3 flat) for almost two years!! I'm still working the same broke ass job with no clue what I want to do with the rest of my existence. I can't imagine doing this for the rest of my life. On a positive note, at least I just finished paying off my ride last year (yeah!!). It's the small steps that make the journey, I guess. The only thing I can really do is just shoot for my dreams, and hopefully, something will come through in the end.

Pondering Love Sucks Ass

Why are relationships are so hard? It seems you give it all you got and yet still end up hurt. I know its just inevitable to hurt the one you love, as the old saying goes "you always hurt the ones you love"...but truthfully who else are you going to hurt? Some guy walking down the street? Of course not. I know I'm just blabbering but it's just I am so confused (there has ben some major drama in my life as of late). Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about what love really means to me, and what it really is to be in love, what boundaries I want to have with my man, and most of all...where do I start with all this past pain. Truthfully, I think that love can be sooo simple. It's people (mostly their problems, baggage, and fears) that make love so complicated.

So amidst all this thinking, the only thing I realize I want from a man (other than utter mindblowing sex of course) is that I just want to be truly accepted for who I am. One thing that I have realized from my past (and present) relationships with men (as well as my friends in general) is that people have this IDEA...a fantasy really, of what their ideal man/woman is. We contstantly strive for this person, hoping one day to find someone which possibly could be all that and a bag of chips...just like in our dreams. You meet someone who is great, fall in love, and things are grand. Mentally, all is right with the world. Til you realize that the significant other is NOt at all like your fantasies. He/she does things (or deosnt do things) which your ideal mate would never dream of doing. Maybe they have some similarities...but there is always something that you would like changed. So you try, starting this crazy and unhealthy cycle of attempting to mold someone you love very much into something you ultimately are not, just so they could fit your dreams. And everyone does it or at least has done it before in the past. Just think of all the great relationships that got squashed because someone didnt particularly like their mates...oh say lack in working out, or the fact that when they drink they smoke, or that they spend a lil too much of their own money in a way which you think is silly. WHY do we try to change others? Push their ideas, standards, and desires on people who just want to be themselves? I know that every man I ever dated wanted to change me in some way. Some did not like that I smoked, others didn't like the fact I had a lot of male friends, others did not like the fact I was so vulgar and open when people got me really upset. I'm so tired of being with people that want me to be their dreams. I'm so tired of trying to change (unconsciously) for people who don't even see me for me, but as some dillusional version of their unconsciousness which has manifested since their childhood. I realize I must do that too, in some shape or form. So, I am making a pact to accept people for who they are, for better or worse, despite my feelings or lack of feelings of their actions or thoughts.

The frosting on the cake (and what really spurred all this thinking in my head) is a list my friend emailed me of 10 ways to marry the wrong person. Ironically, #1 on the list was:

You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married...for the worst!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.

These words ring truer than pretty much anything I ever read in my life. If you can't deal with how the person is before the marriage, how can a relationship survive after? What's the point in trying to change people? It always backfires into a torment of pain, anger & guilt. Its so unhealthy. I have so much to think about its crazy. Til then...a poem written by me...so respect my work & don't try to steal it please (or my puerto rican will come out and reign supreme on you)

I am not the vision you had resurrected through time
Stored inside your mind
Hoping to find
In me
Trying to mold me into your perfection
Maybe one day you will see
I cannot be what you want
I can only be me

PAZ

Drama

Don’t sit there
Emotionless
While tears long to reign
Free your mind through me
The cause of it all
I am…
Unsure what to do
Do I..
Touch you?
Kiss you?
Comfort the pain?
Let you be
For a moment for self reflection?
Rain enters my heart
Silence is the worst of all killers
And its killing me softly
Taking prey at my heart
Look
I know I’m not perfect
But can’t you see?
You are not asking me to change my actions
But are asking me to change me
Broken promises
Do not equate to broken love
Instead
They symbolize the break down of trust
All for a vision of a woman
Which you thought was there
In me
The girl you said
Made you happy
But your not happy at all
I can see how it hurts you
I absorb it into myself
And wish that we could wash it all away
I should have trusted
The feelings in my gut
And told you
Accept me how I am
But feared
You leaving me
Feared
Causing you pain
Gone are visions of me
As your dream girl
In an instant
And a puff of a blunt
I was gone
Leaving scarred hearts in its wake
Tissues which
hold memories
Not soon forgotten
I should not feel guilty
Of being me
You should not feel hurt
Of something you always knew was there
In me
As I stare into you
And wonder
If you can love me like you say
With my eyes
With my soul
With my heart
I say to you
Don’t let silence overcome us
Look into the doorways of my soul
See my love for you unfold
Don’t be afraid to let go
I stand with you
Soul naked like a child
Now Tell me
Can you truly accept me for me?

Jesus Walks...

This morning I woke up to that song & I can't get it outta my head. I literally jumped outta my bed and started doing my little happy dance. Kanye West's new cd is all that and a bag of chips. He does talk a little too much in the skits and stuff, but the music, the beats, the rhymes, and the message behind the music is on point!!! I'm happy that chicago talent is finally getting its recognition in the industry. I have been on this Chicago hip hop shit for a while, but only recently have people started realizing that we have some original sounds poppin' off. Between Kanye, Twista, and Common, I found another chicago mc that is dope as all hell. His name is monsoon, and the person that did the beats on this cd rivals dre's talents ( I think his name is McGree or something like that)!!! I stumbled on to it by mistake, but I am so glad I brought this cd because anyone I play it for is blown away!!! Check him out. You can actually listen to samples of his music on this link Check out tracks #9 & #7..they are my favorites!!! CD Baby: MONSOON: Complex Simplicity

I can't wait to get Kanye West's new CD!!

Only 5 more days til Kanye's new CD "College Dropout" drops. This CD is going to be an instant classic, you mark my words. Plus, he being from chi-town and all, I have to respect & and support him. I heard he's actually working with Common on Commons next CD. Plus, Twista's new CD just came out too. Sold a lot too so I hear. It seems to me that Chi-town is starting to get on the map in hip hop...finally. ITheres soo much music I want to buy, but I'm going to have to wait to payday til I can even think of buying myself anything. Anyway...I'm counting the days til I take my lil booty to Best buy to get them. :)

Enter The Day from Hell

Well, I'm sick outta my mind at work with mounds of tissues all around me...collapsed and thankful that I can finally have a moment of dayquil induced peace of mind. This morning was freaking hectic!!! Today is my day to hold down fort at the office, as all the techs, etc are at client locations. SO I was pretty busy to begin with. THEN, the electricity for the whole block went out & all our servers, lights, and computers were down. Clients were calling galore to tell me their systems were down and I was helpless to help them. Amidst my fever, headache, and my sneezing 2 minute fits (yes, I sneeze and its like contstant for like 2 minutes), I felt like i was going to faint. Thankfully, the lights came back on about half an hour later and I was able to reset all our hardware. Thankfully, I can do some minor network troubleshooting to solve most problems. Now, I collapse into my chair and drink my chamomile tea.

On another note. Illinois lawmakers are starting to really piss me off They are trying to pass another law to increase the price of cigarettes AGAIN. Cigarettes will be close to $6 a pack starting in April! That's almost $3 worth of taxes, of which they get a third. They are citing that it will help people quit smoking and reduce the amount of smoke related diseases. Nope...those people will just buy it off the net, or drive to indiana to buy mass quantities of it. I can just see it now: massive amounts of people taking road trips to go to Indiana for smokes, cheap liquor, and firecrackers every month. LOL However, in my opinion our so called government officials are just fattening up their own pockets, getting rich off of smokers backs. If they really TRULY wanted to help, they would take that money they taxed the smokers and put it into prevention programs, programs to help you quit, and or treatment and cure for the disease. It was discussed in the same meeting, but they decided against that amendment.. And I quote from yesterdays Tribune " Commissioner Larry Suffredin offered an amendment that would have directed all the new revenue raised by the cigarette tax increase into health programs for tobacco-related illnesses. The amendment failed." What I want to know is where is this new tax money going to. I bet its in their own pockets in the form of raises, bonuses, and overindulgent "business trips" with their mistresses. FAT BASTARDS.!!! I'm so tired of having no say in how this country is run. Everytime I see Bush on TV I want to puke. Its disgusting to me & I can't wait to vote his ass out of office!!! WHEW! Sorry about the rant, but DAYUM!!!All that felt soo good to say.

Well, works picking up so I gotta go. Peace & love.