opening pandoras box

On the political front: I try not to get too politically charged on here because once I start expressing my unsatisfaction with the state of the USA (and the world), it seems to open a Pandora’s box inside me of raw emotion that never seems to disappear. But, I have never been much for holding in my opinions, so here it goes (prepare for a long winded entry):

Supposedly the U.S. returned sovereignty back to Iraq two days before schedule. I can't help but think that its a meaningless political exchange attempting to show the Bush administration in a more favorable light to the world. In essence, they are trying to prove that they keep their promises, and then some. But truthfully...what good does returning power to Iraq if the Iraqi people still live in constant fear of US led attacks and realistically, have no real power over the direction of their government? It's obvious that US troops aren't going anywhere for many more years to come, there will continue to be a surge of US based contractors working there, and more importantly, the Army is recalling thousands of retired servicemen to serve in Iraq. To me, this is not the steps to attempt to achieve peace, but some kind of blinder hiding the fact that nothing realistically has changed from June 27th to June 28th. To the Iraqi people, it was just another day of hell. It’s obvious to me that the Bush administration is still the puppet master in the situation in Iraq and the interim president of Iraq is their lead puppet.

Also, I have not seen Fahrenheit 9/11 , and truthfully, I don't know if I want to. This is primarily because I am not one to really partake in the absorbing of propaganda on any scale, whether it be from the government or any liberal party or individual. Don't get me wrong: I like Michael Moore and know that a lot of the points he gets at in this documentary I will probably agree with. But, I believe I have a pretty good idea what President Bush is full of and have no desire to pay $9 to just further enforce that opinion. I am however happy that someone is publicly addressing the Bush administration and 9/11, and more importantly, that so many people are rushing to go see it. Hopefully, this will sway some of the voters to rethink their ballot choices come November. But, as for me, the modern day hippy militant, I think I will just wait to see Fahrenheit 9/11 when it comes out on DVD.

On the personal front: I feel like crap. After 5 weeks of having an aching shoulder, I finally went to see my doctor yesterday. I found out that the pain I have been experiencing is due to a sprained ligament in my left shoulder. It could take anywhere from a month to three or four months to heal. OUCH! Also, I seem to have to have developed pink eye in my right eye and I am walking around looking like the equivalent of a stoner tripping on some strong shit. Hee hee.

frida kahlo remembered

I have appreciated her art for over 10 years and have visited various galleries to see her works in person without really knowing why I loved her imagery so much. But, recently, while flipping through one of my Frida Kahlo books, I now understand why I feel such a strong kinship with her: we both know and are deeply affected by the feeling of lonliness.

no where to hide

We wear a 1000 faces of pretense
hoping the lens of others cant penetrate to the core
Yet there are no disguises for thyself
No masks to wear to subdue self reflecting the meaning
Of your very own soul
And I am no exception
My heart beats drums of
3rd eye popping virginity
strumming life
Since conception
I was destined for that clarified moment of peace
And
For the first time
I am not blind
I can look at myself and be proud
Though
I can’t recall
The exact second
That I knew true meaning of me
Because I discarded old masks
I can stare at the mirror
Of my mental
And know who’s staring back at me

Copyright by Dragonflypurity

at least its friday

I apologize in advance for this post, as it is pretty much one big whine.

But, truthfully, do you ever feel like your life is a series of leftover dinners? Every day consists of the same essence, and one day what once was splendid and enjoyable suddenly becomes nauseously sickening. After a while, it’s like...suddenly you can't take any more of it in any quantity. Kinda like my moms Spaghetti and meatballs. She is famous for them and everyone who has tried them always asks for seconds; therefore, she is sure to make a big pot of it whenever she cooks it. BUT, because there is soo much, there is always at least a day or two of leftovers. Its all fine and dandy for the first, say 15 times, but after that its like if I even smell the sauce or anything, I just wanna puke.



Well, thats how I'm feeling today...like my life has become a never-ending series of my moms left over spaghetti and meatballs. Not to sound all negative because there are a lot of positive things in my life, like my new house and my sweet boyfriend who tries to deal with my mood swings and stubbornness with a finesse.

Its definitely a time of change for me in many ways, but there is something integral that is missing. SO the question is how do I get rid of this feeling? How do I change the menu of my life to reflect what I really want and yearn for more than anything else: happiness? I guess its just something inside of me that I need to rectify for myself. Nothing and no one can do it for me. Because I am a complex individual by most means, there are tons of little things I know I have to work on; spiritually, professionally, and personally.

I just need to commit to it and tackle one aspect of my life at a time. It’s about time to throw out my leftovers and plan on cooking up something new and exciting. Wish me luck.

a momentary stress break

The song "Stressed out" by Tribe Called Quest seems to be my theme song nowadays. SO much that for the last few weeks, I have a nagging tension on the entire left side of my shoulder and neck. I have a doctors appt to get it looked into. Til then, I am trying to stay grounded and not let life get me by the 'balls'. Just for this momentary stress break, I am sipping on Mikes Hard Lemonade, which I actually despise and consider piss water, but considering my condition, I will take whatever alcoholic beverage is available.

Of course, most of my stress is coming from the purchase of my soon to be home. I'm so tired of thinking about the house and will be thankful when the closing date is over with (I'm still shooting for July 16th, so I am keeping my fingers crossed). In the meanwhile, between talking on the phone with my realtor, attorney, and broker, I think I have used all my cellular minutes within the last few days. Right now, I am trying to get a credit from the seller for the roofs, which need to be replaced badly. The house was sold in as in condition and I knew it needed some work, but I didn’t think the roof needed attention so soon. I just found out last night during the house inspection (thank god for those things). I wouldn't even mind taking a little more out from the bank to cover some of the costs, but there are some questions on the appraisal amount and getting a loan for that much above the purchase price. It shall be the war of the lawyers to get this straightened out.

Buying a house is a big pain in the ass lemme tell you. But, I know when it's all said and done, I will be pretty much the happiest woman alive. :)

the Puerto Rican festival

Mural on California & Division - Chicago

The festival and concert last night was wonderful. I was having such a good time, I didn't take as many pics as I would have liked. BUT...this pic of the mural was worth lugging around my camera all night for. Matter of fact, it's the only spectacular picture I took at the fest. It was taken while we were walking back to the car. I walked past this and couldn't help but take a snap shot. This Aleks Perve cat really has talent, don't ya think?

On new home news, the contracts were finally signed this morning. And, the house inspection is this coming Wednesday. My parents and brother will come see it then. Hopefully, everything goes smoothly.

YEAH!! EVERYTHING IS OFFICIAL.

let the celebration continue...

I feel so blessed as of late (with the new house, new office, and soon to come raise). Things in all aspects of my life have suddenly and drastically taken a turn for the best. Who would have known last week when I was knee deep in my own tears - that there were so many good things in store for me to replace all the negative and sadness that filled me? I guess what my mom says is true: all things work out in the end, one way or another. Thankfully, for me, my tears are over (at least for a while). I will enjoy this dry spell and relish all the things in life that I have been blessed with. I mean, really, I am wearing a smile like 10 times the size of my face today.

SO to celebrate my recent explosion of positivity, last night me & my honey went out for a few drinks at a really romantic tiki bar called Hala Kahiki. Even though we didn't stay long because we were tired and had to go to work this morning, it was a really nice touch. AND, tonight I am looking forward to seeing Brenda K. Starr perform at this years Puerto Rican Festival with a few of my cousins. It should be a night to remember. Hopefully, it doesn’t rain because its an out door concert.

the new house

what words
have smashed against
these walls,
crashed up and down these halls, lain mute and then drained
their meanings out and into
these floors?

What feelings, long since
dead,
streamed vague yearnings
below this ceiling
light?
In some dimension
which I cannot know,
the shadows of
another still exists. I bring my
memories, held too long in check,
to let them here shoulder
space and place to be.

And when I leave to
find another house,
I wonder, what among
these shades will be
left of me.

- Maya Angelou -

today's the best of my life...

I GOT THE HOUSE!! After 2 days of torturous waiting and nail biting, I finally received word that I will be a home owner within a month! I couldn’t sleep, couldn't stop thinking about anything else I was so nerve wrecked. And It really sucks about the nail biting thing too - because there went my manicure. As you can imagine, I have been on the phone all morning and afternoon with family and friends filling them in on the details. I'm kind of tired of talking the intricate details of the house, so that will be another day. All I can say is its pretty awesome. My pad is even bigger than I imagined. What makes me the happiest is the fact that I did it all by myself. :) ahhhh. Life is good.


me...new home owner (wow)

I have been waiting for this day for over 2 years and I can't believe its finally come. I was so ecstatic I actually told my realtor that I loved her !! She’s been so patient with me and really earned her commission the way I made her work for the last 3 & 1/2 months. Ha. But really, she really rocks. So if you are in the Chicago area looking for a trustworthy realtor who gets stuff done right, just contact me & I will forward you her info.

Anyhow, in retrospect...
today is a special day in my history book of life. Its truly the beginning of a new era for me on so many levels. I feel like a butterfly who just learned to fly.
All I can say is "WOW".

my sanctuary

this is my sanctuary

This is a picture of the Des Plains River, located just 5 minutes from my work. There is a huge parking lot that sits right on the river that is rarely crowded, and very peaceful. Some times there are ducks and geese paddling through, too. Anyway, I come here sometimes at lunch and eat, read, write, take pictures. SOme of my favorite pieces were written right there.

I will miss it DEARLY when we move offices next weekend.

On other news, today I am having dreams about making my own mosaic tables. In fact, I think mosaics are so cool, I might just take a class or two I found not too far from my house.

I am new york, new york (big city of dreams)

Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"

New York
You're competative, you like to take it straight to the fight. You gotta have it all or die trying.

yay for the underdogs of the world!

I just placed an offer on a beautiful house that is within my price range and with decent rental income on a quiet street. Hopefully, it will be my home in a month.

AND the Pistons just won the the NBA Championship. Double YAY!! There are millions of people nationwide in shock as I type. I always favor the underdogs in a series, because it's so much sweeter that way. Unless, of course, its a Chicago team. But thats another story.

Anyway, Go underdogs!

Ever find something you wrote a long time ago and even forgot existed?

Serenity
Uncovered Dec 16, 2003

I need serenity
A place to rest my tired soul
Which throughout my short life has grown so old
My heart, once open & warm is now cold as stone
I say this knowing it’s no one fault but my own
So I package it up in my poems and watch it flow away & pass like an eye of a storm

Create in myself some peace of mind
A moment in time where life’s daily grind can’t confine…my soul
No longer let circumstances and pain take control
Let life’s ebb & flow of emotion just go…away from me
Attempt to let my 3rd eye of self discovery set me free
Meet head on with my destiny
With God’s help I can achieve many things
Not just for myself, but for other human beings

There are so many things that escape my mental grasp
But through knowledge and self loving I know my ignorance will pass
Pick up the remaining broken glass called my life
Never giving up in the fight of self mastery
Find home inside my mind and thorugh my rhymes
and...
That’s when it hit me!
My out of control, tired soul FOUND SERENITY!

my stomach hurts from laughter

I just realized…laughter is the best medicine for just about anything.

I just read that Courtney Cox Arquette and David Arquette named their child Coco. I couldn't stop laughing. In Spanish, at least in the Puerto Rican Community, coco is another word for 'pussy'. Poor kid. So everytime anyone calls her a big pussy - they will be in a sense, utterly and undeniably correct. What a riot.

from my garden

The good, the bad - sans the ugly

~ The ying & yang of my life - in no particular order ~

Things that have made me happy in the last week: (AKA THE GOOD)

1) Seeing a gut busting comedy show called Mamacita with my comadre
2) Getting my first pedicure and liking it (I hate people touching my feet so it's a big deal to me)
3) A constant supply of good lovin' from the love of my life
4) Finally sending out that graduate school application!
5) Actually being busy at work - with talks of a pay raise on the horizon :o
6) Drinking mass quantities of Vitamin Water by Glaceau - except the lemon lime flavor. That one pretty much sucks
7) My aunt graduating with her Bachelors Degree- I'm so proud
8) Listening to Sade while I detail my car
9) Dancing to my cell phone ring tone - dubbed mania - gee, I love that sound
10)Sleeping with the window open

Things that make me feel sad in the past week: (AKA THE BAD)

1) My ma forgetting our dinner date on Sunday (talk about being the bald headed stepchild, huh?)
2) Still not finding a house. PLUS - The interest rates are steadily rising
3) Driving to work each morning & never failing to see road kill on the street :(
4) Not writing or reading at all over the past few days - I feel drained from over internalization
5)Drinking the lemon lime Vitamin Water (ugh, damn that’s nasty)

word of the day : melancholy

Yesterday I painted my nails the color of my week: greyish blue. It seems only fitting as lately my bouts of depression are coming stronger and staying longer.


Ray Charles - Father of Soul - R.I.P.

I am taking the death of Ray Charles a lot harder than the death of Ronald Reagan. Ray Charles reminds me so much of my papi who used to listen to him when I was a kid, especially the song 'Georgia on my mind'.

Ray Charles: RIP

whoa !!!

I usually don't practice being a spokesperson for anything BUT...

Has anybody heard of the group 2WIN SOULS ? I found them by accident and haven't been able to stop listening to them since. They have a truly unique sound that just sets me in chill mode. Its a hynoptic mix of neo soul & hip hop. Picture Erykah Badu & Mos Def compilating. Click to hear it at CD BABY. Its even on sale! whoa!!

say its not so !!

ugh. Its old news now that supposedly J. Lo and Marc Anthony tied the knot over the weekend, but news has it that J.Lo is Pregnant with Marc Anthony's Baby. It makes sense because her schedule is unusually bare for the next few months, and consequently, he has cancelled all his upcoming concerts. Much to my dismay, that includes the concert I had planned on attending in July. :( sadness. All I can say to Marc Anthony is "GOOD LUCK padre, you're going to need it".

Being Boriqua myself, I tried so hard to like J Lo just for the fact that she was supposed to represent mi gente. But, with each impending day, she has floated away from her roots and instead is content with becoming the equivalent of the next Zsa Zsa Gabor. I almost feel pity on her because it seems she has a definite problem with commitment and doesn't feel complete unless there's a man fawning over her. And shes good at raking them in. She has what my boy Will likes to call voo doo pussy. Meaning every guy that courts her falls deep in love with the way she moves, acts, makes love, etc. ha ha!

Even though I think J. Lo has no perception of what real love is, I hope this baby teaches her a thing or two and that her & Marc Anthony truly are happy. blah.

can it be that it was all so simple then ?

Its Wednesday (yeah! the week is halfway over) and it is beautiful outside. Summer is upon us and I couldn't be happier. I truly missed the warmth of sun and the feel of it on my face. Summer is possibly my favorite season of all, with Fall in close second. I love summer so much partly because unlike in the winter, I actually feel like venturing outside my house. Also, its the only time of year I can leave the house with wet hair and not worry about developing pneumonia from the cold. It a wonderfully refreshing feeling; kinda reminiscent of my childhood when I just finished running around the water plug (aka fire hydrant) by my grandmas house. I would stand outside for hours just getting wet, drying off, and playing with one of my many cousins.

I guess summer in general makes me think about my childhood. Talking about childhood, I really miss not having responsibilities and being care free. Being 25 (wow that’s a quarter century) I now know how wonderfully easy I had it as a child. It was great! Full of mischief, laughter, and love. I tell my little cousins still in school to appreciate their summers now and enjoy them, because once they become an adult those days of true vacations and no responsibilities are over. Looking at all the children I see playing already on summer break, I can't help but feel a tad bit envious as I drive off to work. I miss having a summer vacation for over 2 months and the constant prevalence of family bar-b-ques. It was all so simple back then. I mean, back in the day my family was tight(I have about 12 aunts and uncles and near 30 cousins). And that’s just my moms side!! Anyway, although we still get together nowadays for holidays and some birthdays, all our parties lack that same sincerity and support it once did. Instead, now it drips with forced smiles and small talk to fill up gaps in conversation. How sad, huh ? I guess thats life.
Anyway...
I think today I will play some old school songs like wu-tangs joint "so simple" and dj jazzy jeff & the fresh prince's "Summertime" to get me through the day.

the venus eclipse

and all I could think was "damn it must be hot as all hell on venus"

well, that’s not entirely true. I thought other things too. Like how beautiful it must have looked through a telescope. I know to the human eye it just looked like a black spec on the sun, but I find it mesmerizing nonetheless. I get a kick out of observing the stars and planets take awe in meteor showers, shooting stars, eclipses; pretty much any phenomena happening in the skies.

me...uncentered

I am having such a hard time staying centered lately; my mind skips from one thing to another like it was on speed. But, since work is slow this morning, I am going to take a few minutes to just write absolutely anything my heart desires.

So where do I begin? Oh, I know. I saw the new Harry Potter movie on Friday and was a bit disappointed. I know they say that the movie is never as good as the book, but I haven't had any serious beef the previous 2 movies, but I felt this one missed key points. I was especially disappointed in the portrayal of the Patronus Charm, as it held many meanings for Harry. First off they made it seem like Harry learned it after 3 tries. It took all year for him to conjure up that spell and it was a big deal because only a very powerful wizard could accomplish such a feat. Secondly, they didn’t connect the meaning of his patronus to his father. Supposedly, the charm will conjure up a creature which has significant meaning to the wizard; in Harry's case it was a huge deer, which evidentially took the form of his father's animal form (his father is a.k.a. prongs- meaning antlers) You may know him as one of the unknown authors of the marauders map which Harry finds earlier in the movie. Anyhow, in the book, Rowling vividly describes Harry's Patronus, which is in the form of a huge angelic type horse/deer like creature swooping down to save the day. I pictured something soo beautiful and while reading it, I couldn’t wait to see how it would be portrayed in the movie. Unfortunately, it was just shown as a white light that acted like a shield. its just one of many things I found lacking (I wont go into any more detail lest you fall asleep at the keyboard). I know that none of this will probably make sense if you are not a Harry Potter fan, but if you are, then you know what I am talking about.

On other news:
Being the modern day hippy militant that I am, this morning when I stumbled across this cool flash video rendition of The Beatles song 'Come Together', I was jamming to it for a good 15 minutes.(Thanks goes out to Lenka for the 411). I'm totally feeling the discoed out John Lennon.

Also, I read a crazy article on usatoday.com Can you imagine finding an active landmine in the attic of your home of eight years? This man did.

hello moto !!

Before dinner, I had to come to send some love to jamie at T-mobile for hooking me up with the mail in rebates on this beautiful Motorola cell phone. Its in my favorite color (blue) and even has a camera in it. It works out real well, since this is the newest edition of my current phone so all my accessories still work for it. Thats what I'm talking about!

jam packed weekend

The weekend was particularly awesome, as me & my honey took a much needed miniature vacation away from the hustle and bustle of the city in Schaumburg (a nearby suburb). Well, it was a quasi vacation simply because we were so close to the city had a lot of errands to run like house hunting, going to various fests, etc. But, it was like a vacation because we actually got to spend quality time together with no real distractions and best of all, we got to sleep in each others arms, which (to me) is like heaven wrapped in a blanket.

Anyway, so much happened this weekend, like me actually finding a house I loved within my budget; only to have my dreams crushed yet again by someone able to outbid me with a bigger down payment and/or giving the sellers more than I can afford. Oh wells. At least The Printer's Row Book Fair was off the hook. I got a little sun, was able to ride the train into downtown (weeee!!), and found more than a few new bookstores to salvage through in the process. Most importantly, I only spent $20 at the fair (I am so proud of myself for actually sticking within my budget on this one).

Also, this weekend marked the untimely passing of my cell phone. Drats! Now I need to buy another one, and due to my limited budget and cell phone snob etiquette, I may be forced to actually charge something this month.

Last but not least, everyone's been talking about Ronald Reagan’s passing. It’s abuzz all over the news, at the water cooler, in chat rooms and blogs worldwide. While everyone has an opinion on the death of the inventor of Reaganomics , I feel indifferent about his passing. I did not shed a tear, utter a sigh of relief or joy, or even bother listening to the comprehensive news coverage. What else is there to know ? I mean, the man lived to a ripe age of 93, and had a damn good life. Instead, I just simply changed the channel and moved on with my life.

ahhh

While browsing though my stack of reject pictures and negatives, I found a few pictures that I somehow missed along the way. For example, I found this beautiful picture of a sunset (but for the life of me I cant remember where this was taken).


taken who knows where...but isnt it beautiful ?

good for a laugh

by the way, this nifty contraption has been providing me with endless enjoyment.

waking up in his arms

waking up in his arms
i feel
the biggest joy
his arms embracing me
a gentle reminder
of love
heavenly perfection
asleep at my side
I stare like a child with
sugar coated eyes and smile and soul
knowing that when
we arise together
arms intertwined
that it will be
all that I dreamed
while asleep in his embrace
love is love
and his arms are my home

Copyright of dragonflypurity

have I mentioned I hate cops ?

My mean streak is showing and I am about to vent all my frustrations out...so here it goes:

I hate to discriminate on any level, bit I swear COPS HATE ME...and truthfully, I don't like them either. In the Chicago suburbs (where I have been working in for the last 3 years) the cops and state troopers are the meanest, most discerning bunch you would ever see. Especially to the likes of me: young looking, a minority, and listening to hip hop music. I once got a ticket for going 23 in a 20 mile zone (but I got that charge reversed-thank god).

Now, I know what you are thinking...this girl got a ticket! Yes, yes I did (a parking ticket). But it was a total lie of a ticket...a sort of sick joke played by Mr. M.R. - the dickhead cop. Get this: he gave me a $120 dollar ticket charging that that my car did not have or did not properly display a city sticker. He must have been on crack or just plain decided to discriminate against my car (maybe due to the fact I have a sticker on the back of my car that told passerbys to do themselves a favor and fuck themselves? -> ha! there’s actually a decent story behind that sticker, but that will be on discussion another day). In any case, its a total falsity of a ticket. I mean, I pay a whopping $80 for that sticker each year, which I proudly display in the appropriate place on my windshield. I will be damned if I have to pay another $120 for doing absolutely nothing wrong. Naturally, being the verbose and opinionated person I am, I wrote the city a nice long letter contesting the ticket AND to file a complaint for the offending officer. It's complete, with pictures of my city sticker and front windshield, a copy of the vehicle city sticker registration card and receipt when I brought the damn thing. I just can’t believe this cop's justification system. The way I figure it, if he falsely persecuted me, he is probably doing it to countless others. As I type I am sending him negative karma...(matter of fact - I hope he develops a bad case of irritable bowel syndrome). Mmwahaha (evil laugh).

I can't believe he's the guy whos supposed to be serving and protecting me. I mean,with his behavior - who needs enemies?

peace march pictures

Hi all. I know its a few months late, but I am finally playing with all the pictures I took at the peace rally. In one of them you can almost see the side view of Jesse Jackson (ha ha). Anyhow, below is my favorite one of all. I just love this picture. Doesn't it just speak a thousand words to you?


my favorite pic from the peace rally & march in Chicago

one day...

I saw a homeless man begging for money or food to eat and I was overcome with an immense feeling of sadness and kindness for this man. This is what came out.

Homeless but not hopeless

What atrocities in life must a man befall
To have no friends, no family...no one at all
Walking ‘round town aimlessly in spring, winter, and fall
No place to call home when life throws hardballs
See pain in his eyes…his spirit crushed, dreams shattered,
People he pass stare at him as if his life didn’t matter
Unwashed Clothes battered
His life seemingly splattered and tattered
He’s homeless…

It’s a fact so sad, matter of fact it makes me mad.
How people walk around and don’t give a damn
When they see a homeless man walking down the street
Don’t see themselves in his eyes and offer him something to eat
Too many nomads living in the shadows of the inner cities
Sleeping in stairwells, face full of pity
Life, once full of joy, now not so pretty…its shitty
Truth is, it can be any one of us
When life and addictions get so rough...you give up
Suddenly, you got no family and friends
No one to support you or lend you a helping hand
Everything and everyone around you is like a distant land
What once was a home is just empty space
What once was a bed is now concrete…not lace

No money, more problems, just a feeling of self hate
Trying hard to survive and with hopes, wipe the slate
I can’t imagine the hardships of that man
How his life, once ample, slipping like sand through his hands
Wondering if it’s in gods plan, for this man to understand
Why he’s stuck in the cold, with no home
Its 50 below and there’s so much snow and no where to go

So every time I pass these poor homeless souls
With their shoes full of holes and feet and hands cold as a stone
I look inside and see humanity in its full grace..
And instead of looking around them, I smile at their face
Offer them a dollar, hope for the future, a food stacked plate
Such small things help abate their life’s deadweight
Life’s hard, but in small things they truly appreciate
Make no mistake
cuz in the next life, these poor souls god will replace
with other ones which cant negate their past mistakes
and they too, will be nomads in a land full of hate

copyright of dragonflypurity 2004