Friday, July 23, 2004

the little changes transform the whole picture

Its funny how almost daily, little things change in your life that really don’t equate to much on their own; but as time goes by, and the changes compile, they draw a completely different picture of your existence and preferences in life. For instance, I am not the same person I was a few years ago. Come to think of it, I am not even the same person I was just a mere 3 months back. Every day, unbeknown by myself, I am changing in little ways. This realization came to me yesterday as I sat in a crowded bar with a few too many coronas under my belt contemplating the meaning of life as I breezily observed everyone and everything around me.

Case in point: As a youngster, I craved attention everywhere I went, from relationships, friendships, at bars, home; pretty much anywhere and in any situation. Like a pro, I jumped from conversation to conversation, smoozing my way along any situation. Now, I am content just sitting somewhere comfy and thinking, observing, and listening to everything around me. Conversations of the past were not dripping of politics, poetry, and book readings as they are now. Even my favorite color is changing! What was my deep passion for everything blue is now turning into a fascination for brown. I have one too many brown pairs of shoes, three too many brown shirts, and about 10 too many brown nail polishes and lipsticks to even choose from. Plus, I’m totally digging my bronzer nowadays when before just the thought of putting some make up on my face would break me out for weeks to come. So many things that would have totally turned me off in my youth has suddenly become integral pieces of my psyche. For example: I found out that instead of fancy brand name perfumes, I prefer a $5 flask of musk oil. I prefer a pair of $15 jeans from Discovery or the thrift store rather than pay a whopping $40 for them at NY&Co or Express. It's truly like I have look in the mirror and ask "who is this person I have evolved into?" and "when the FUCK did that happen?". The young version of myself would have thought I was such a freak. HA!

Anyhow, I digress. Its’ funny how all these things are small instances in life that really don’t equate to too much individually, but drawn together I realize how much I have evolved over time without even consciously being aware of it. So much, that I cant help but wonder what changes await for me tomorrow.

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